well... the last six weeks or so have been overwhelming. throughout the second half of October, I kept holding off on writing about anything that was going on, mostly because I felt like none of it was mine to write about. so many of my friends had serious loss and sadness in their lives in such a short time, and all I could do was stand by and try ( Read more... )

so in my last entry, I came up with this theory regarding the boy situation: "there is the possibility that he's not actually that attracted to me, and what happened last Thursday was just a matter of convenience and proximity and me being an idiot." remember that? (I don't know who the hell that question is directed at... let's consider it ( Read more... )

I accompanied Jenny to Beth Israel this morning, ( because I'm her bosom buddy. )

wow. I had the feeling the axe would fall eventually, that it was too good to be true, but even I was surprised by the turnaround time. I didn't even have to wait a full 24 hours for rejection ( Read more... )

so, uh, about that last post of mine...

I've never been so happy to be wrong.

it's almost as if I've been stuck thinking of myself as "sweet sixteen and never been kissed" for the last six years.

it feels good to be free of that.

it feels really, really good.

and it's become just like a chemical stress
tracing the lines in my face for
something more beautiful than is there

I've barely been gone.

I feel a return to the familiar landscape of romantic disappointment is imminent.

I think I'm an idiot for hoping it might be different this time.

so, if there's one thing I learned tonight, it is this:

buffalo wings, even boneless ones, are NOT good date food.

also, if burndt_jamb tries to give you advice about shoes, you should probably take it. I did! *cheesy thumbs-up*

...but my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth

most mornings I wake up and find myself completely unprepared to meet the demands of consciousness. ( I am not being dramatic... )

whew. okay. things have improved quite a bit since Monday. of course, a big part of that is me managing my reactions/overreactions to things. I think I was right to be upset and somewhat disappointed in myself on Monday, but I was also exhausted and sleep-deprived and overworked. I'm still exhausted and sleep-deprived and overworked, but I'm ( Read more... )

oh God. so far this week is going even worse than I expected, which is saying A LOT, especially this early on ( Read more... )