Any more common jokes will be gratefully received.  I'm being deadly serious though, he speaks like he's just swallowed gravel and he is so loud, oh my god is he loud.  I can still hear him with my door closed and my music on! Thankfully he only comes once a year (just like any of John's partners).  I had such a lovely bank holiday weekend, steam ( Read more... )

So it is that time of year when I must go and buy cards for the people I barely speak to, to deliver impersonal yet over sentimental festive wishes.  I hate card shopping so much, not only do I believe it is merely a less violent way to mug me but also its full of people asking "Have you got one that says..to my second daughter", "to my brother and ( Read more... )

I went to the woods today, to collect pine cones for christmas.  If not for the fresh air than to prove that one can live in a Dickensian novel.  Unfortunately the pine cones are are a bit on the small side this year.  The best thing about going to the woods is the finding of a really good stick.  I considered about 5 or 6 candidiates before I ( Read more... )

So I phoned this guy up to essentially dump him today, and ended up organising a date with him next week!!! ITS SO HARD TO DUMP!! I hate it, I feel so embarressed for the person.   The only way I can see me getting out of this is with an elaborate scheme.  Now I've seen my american programmes and these are the best they have demostrated

a) Convince ( Read more... )

Hi and welcome back to the quiz thats sweeping the nation.....Name The Dead Thing in My Bath. Each week we display a photograph of something that has been found dead in my bath..and it's up to you guys to..?? You got it, NAME THE DEAD THING iN MY BATH. After literally tens of people phoned in we can now reveal that  last weeks winner was Paul ( Read more... )

So..this is the state of my life, that I went out of my way today to go to lakeside because I wanted a Brita Water Filter Kettle...and not just because it's hard to say.  In the end I got a Morphy Richards filter kettle because it was better and sexier...yes I would do my kettle and let it keep the change.  I'm sad that the name does not stump ( Read more... )

I am watching Coast and my hands are cold... I wish I had one of those muffs that people had back in the day, they hung from your neck and were furry..remember them? You put your hands in them to keep them warm. It was before the invention of the glove, in the early nineties when sexual suggestion was rife.  I remember my aunt brought me a muff ( Read more... )

Right lets get this old thing started.  Its like Chitty Chitty bang bang, don't sell it to him, he's going to scrap her, please please please.  Don't get me wrong I liked the film but it would have been better if the man chucked petrol over and lit the car in front of them..maybe a scene where Dick Van Dyke it caught shooting up with cocaine in the ( Read more... )

Why is it that whenever I hear Wuthering heights..no matter where the venue I shall dance like no one is watching? Me thinks it is because I harbour desires to be Kate Bush, or dance on the winding, windy moors.  My life has been so hectic over the past few months it is ni' on unbelievable.  No fear however I am still conducting myself stoicly ( Read more... )

So my cousin has come to stay with us for a while, which is giving the household a general feel of a dying sitcom which is desperately trying to be revamped. When this doesn’t work they will write of my father and bring in a crazy uncle with a drink problem who doesn't want his girl going out dressed like that and brining boys in the house.  If you ( Read more... )