it comes back around and sometimes can turn corners ( Read more... )

i must remind myself that i am actually doing ok.  i am getting out. i am meeting new people. i have a great job.  i have a massage appointment booked for tomorrow.  these are all great things.  my mind will of course slip a little and i shouldn't beat myself up so much for becoming emotional over things my logical mind views to be stupid ( Read more... )

you can't completely give up when you still hold onto hope.  in order to move on, you must really give up ( Read more... )

all of the things that send me flying in this direction or that. uncontrollable emotions that well up over the surface ( Read more... )

i had a dream i was barely staying afloat in a cardboard pool and card board life jackets were all tied up to me dangling as bait on the outside of the pool ( Read more... )

going insane again. again again.  yeah, yeah, so what else is new ( Read more... )

learning how to take care of oneself is hard. i'm not that great at it. some days just remembering to eat is a great accomplishment. i wish i could do better than that, but i haven't really proven to myself that i can. it has been much easier to jump at chances to take care of someone else and just carry along a hope that perhaps one day someone ( Read more... )

i find myself unable to deal with the social world.  how small the world is. holing myself up in my room only leaves me scratching at the walls and old scars in my brain.  everything screams to find a new place. start over. recreate. burn all of this to the ground and leave it behind ( Read more... )

they all come back around again.  back into the depths of the cave in my mind...   lost again ( Read more... )

the contemplations as of late have been on being lonely vs being alone. i had this rather amazing zen moment last week where i was entirely ok being alone.. i even held onto that feeling rather well. i think i've still got it, but i kinda crashed into a wall of loneliness tonight. i could have gone out. i had several offers of people to meet up ( Read more... )