because i never wanted to let you in. i pushed you away. and now im crying in my pillow. wishing you were here. to hold back those words. to hold back those fists. to.make.these.god.damn.nightmares.stop.

.stop.

i wonder if anyone is still on this. well, Jade is ten months old now and took her first step yesterday when we were in the waiting room at the doctor! she is doing very well now that she has tubes in her ears and is generally a very happy baby. we just moved to a shitty apartment complex and i'm still going to school at GCC.

im still alive. just extrememly busy. im hoping to get down to Tucson soon, maybe next weekend if Dan wants to and we're not too tired. things are going good with Jade. she's very healthy and has quite a set of lungs on her. she's getting bigger and today is the first day that ive been able to fit her into something other than onesies and her pink ( Read more... )

by the way, she weighed 7 lbs. 0 oz. and was 20 in. long!

so i gave birth to my daughter on july 22, 2005 at 7:39 PM. i went through 16 hours of labor- back labor that is- and about ten minutes of pushing. after about 12 hours of labor i gave in and got an epidural (and before that got another drug that would just take the edge off of the contractions for a short amount of time) but it stopped working ( Read more... )

still waiting. on tuesday when i was at my OB appointment, he said that im still not dilated at all but that my baby is already around 7 lbs. 6 oz. if she doesn't come by the 25th we will induce labor because she's a big girl and we don't want to put her through too much stress. anyway, im just hoping that we don't have to wait that long and both ( Read more... )

today i am NINE MONTHS PREGNANT. which means, if the baby wants to come, they're going to let her! at my last appointment (which was Wednesday) the doctor told me that she is already 6 or 7 pounds. and that if i went to full term (all the way to my due date of 7/22/05) she would probably be an 8 or 9 pound baby. which is a little disconcerting ( Read more... )

so this Friday i will be nine months pregnant. im so excited and SO ready to not be pregnant anymore! we're pretty much all ready for the baby. i got the carseat installed today and our bags are all packed for the hospital and the nursery is totally ready. so now it's just a game of waiting. just waiting and waiting and waiting...god i hope she ( Read more... )

so i had my baby shower this last sunday. it was really fun and we got a fuck load of stuff. it was cool to get to see old friends and stuff and it was certainly an interesting crowd. now i only have to worry about organizing the baby room and putting together the changing table (which hopefully Dan will do tonight but probably not ( Read more... )

i keep getting e-mails and posts from old friends. friends that i nearly forgot about. and it makes me remember times that i wanted so badly to put behind me ( Read more... )