I quit my job. Working at Starbuck's really, really sucked. Why did I ever do it for over a year?

I came out as genderqueer a little while ago. My preferred pronoun is she.

I spent the day dreaming. Trying to figure out where I want to be and who I want to be and what I want to do. I drew out plans for my Dream Earthbag Hut, equipped with two bedrooms, a common room, a kitchen, and a trophy wall. Then I started thinking about the big earthbag camp that would be around it, and the friends that would fill it, ( Read more... )

It seems like everyone's leaving, and there's lots of new folks moving in. I wish I was leaving. I don't want to go to college. I don't want to work at Starbuck's. I want to ride on trains and make new friends and see the ones I miss. My head is full of the friends I miss.

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This has been one of the craziest terrible-wonderful depressing-uplifting week and a halfs ever. Last Tuesday I moved to my new home with my nine fantastic roommates, and within a week 6 of them had gotten arrested. Umoja burned down. Lots of animals came. Now a whole lot of my friends are leaving for a month to forever, and I'm going to miss ( Read more... )

I'm moving to a new house soon. A lot of people I love a lot are leaving to travel soon. I hear train whistles blowing all around me. I miss you (yes, you) so much.

Sometimes I wonder how everyone else manages to be so happy when I feel so shitty most of the time. I hate how I'm depressed when I wake up, then again around noon, then again when the sun goes down. I hate coming home from work and feeling like I want to cry, and I'm tired of pretending to feel great when I'm not. I'm tired of having to smoke ( Read more... )

I still remember it, very vividly. It was February 26, 2006 at around 11 PM, and I was just walking around, fruitlessly searching for something to occupy my mind, to take me away from the thoughts of not wanting to be alive that I had been having every night for months with no respite. I just said to myself, "I guess tonight will have to be the ( Read more... )

I feel like I want to die.