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Update
Empty
Inside
Nothing much to say. -
Music
I'm too mentally drained to write anything of substance, so instead I thought I'd post sone of the music I've been listening to lately:
Tegan & Sara
My favorite Swedish band (Kent):
Austra:
Purity Ring:
School of Seven Bells (sadly no more after Benjamin Curtis died):
Glasvegas (have a crush on the lead singer);
Swords (awesome Irish ( Read more... ) -
Monday again, already?
I know most people hate Mondays, but I dread work so much rhat Monday dread starts hitting me early on Sunday afternoons, effectively giving me just 1 1/2 days off per week to try to mentally recover from the previous work week ( Read more... ) -
Last Night
I did end up going out last night after all the procrastination. I spent 2 hours getting ready, so I wasn't going to let that go to waste. Also, my roommate kept asking me "When are you leaving?", so I felt pressured to leave the apartment anyway. I was just worried that having had so many negative experiences with going out in Miami in general ( Read more... ) -
Today
I was supposed to go out with my friend today, but it's not going to happen. I know she has stuff going on, but my depression is really bad today. Just the thought of going out today )a Saturday when everyone else is out) in this awful city is enough to give me severe anxiety. Ok the other hand, I need to talk to someone as I am being consumed ( Read more... ) -
Psychological Changes on Estrogen
I know I tend to talk more about the physical changes caused by almost a year on estrogen, but I have not really attempted to write about the psychological / emotional changes that have occurred, especially over the last few months ( Read more... ) -
Shit People Say to Me
"Just be yourself" is another often coined phrase that I am tired of hearing, when applied to me.It sounds nice and supportive in principle, but it is an extremely invalidating phrase, at least in my case. It would be nice to not care what people think and to not live in fear every day, but that is not reality. I still have to coexist with others ( Read more... ) -
Loss of Hope
They say that when hope dies, what is really left? Effectively, you are already dead.This dysphoria is winning, my hope is fading fast. I do not expect anyone to understand because I am probably the ugliest, most non-passable transwoman in the world. Surgery is out of reach and it will most likely stay that way. I am not getting any younger and ( Read more... ) -
Setting a Deadline, Exit Fund
TRIGGER WARNING ( Read more... ) -
"There's always someone worse off than you are"
I really hate it when people say "There's always someone worse off than you are" to me, or to someone else suffering from depression or other debilitating conditions. I made the mistake of venting to a friend of mine on Facebook about how down I was over my appearance, not being able to afford surgery and my appearance (he asked). I knew he wasn' ( Read more... )
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