Don't tell your friends about the two of us
James' rage was considerable.
After Spock left, he paced the room, naked and still painfully aroused. He should have ignored her, should have thrown her back down to the bed and had his way with her, any way he wanted. She was stronger than he but he could have found a way. He hadn't even fought. He'd argued, a little. He'd behaved ungraciously. But in the grand scheme of things he was a fucking pussy. And there seemed very little chance he could convince himself otherwise at this point.
He'd been holding thoughts of that other night at bay. The night he'd run out on Tina, not because he'd gotten what he wanted but because what he wanted had turned out to be something he could not allow himself to have. Tina had been wrong on that score, anyway, though James had been avoiding her so assidiously that he had no way of knowing. He'd been trying to forget about her ever since. Marlena, it seemed, had been right. This world had done something to him, something doubly devious because what he wanted, he could not understand. He hated Jim. And yet, Jim had something he didn't. Something he could not even pretend to have, because the instincts were all wrong even when it seemed, hell, they were more alike than he wanted to know.
Might as well admit it. He wanted Tina, not just as he'd had her, but after, soft and glowing and tangled together with no other reason to be there than they were comfortable. And it wasn't as if he and Marlena (and others) hadn't shared a bed, and some companionable silence. It wasn't even that he'd never loved Marlena (and others) in some way. But he wasn't supposed to love Tina. Nor anyone like her. He wasn't supposed to be Jim, or want to be. Wasn't supposed to want a woman because she was soft and kind and eager and innocent--not unless it was to break her, of course, or to get at something else he wanted. Wasn't supposed to feel protective of her, or somehow guilty over running off like that, with no explanation.
And now Spock had run off, and James had been found unworthy again. The overt mockery of it stung him, and yet he could not fathom why he was not off fucking someone, or pounding Spock's (or some lowly substitute's) face into a bloody pulp, but rather jerking off angrily, almost painfully, as a purely physical release which he wiped up with Spock's discarded panties and threw away.
The Saurian brandy was a blessing, stashed away since he'd stolen it a few weeks before, and he was well down it before he even realized what he was doing. And by then, he was far gone enough to find this plan entirely sensible. The only trouble, he thought, was in finding more booze.
And Tina.
Tina, lovely Tina, who he suddenly, drunkenly realized might have thought he was walking out on her like Spock had on him, which was wrong, all wrong. And she should be told. Even though she was from this stupid universe and had that cocksucking asshole's baby fucking things up, she had yelled at Spock and carried a knife and she could make an excellent Captain's woman. Yes. And if she exercised a lot, she'd be able to wear the proper uniform in no time, after the brat was born. He sat down a his terminal to tell her this.
Private to Tina Chapel
Tina,
m Not sure how long it's been, but I wanted to apoldize for being an asshole and too much fo a fucking psuys to stay the othernight. wan'st tyring to get away but scared me to stay so i elft but maybe it wasn't very nice of me. I can't stop ithinkgin about you and that night and i keep thinking I totaly fucked it up. should have snet flowers the next tday bout i was still sort of mad at myself for wanting you so I didn't.
I wrote you this powm thoguh and i wasn't sgonna sent it but now m drunk so the.r
Well I tried to make it Sunday, but I got so damn depressed
That I set my sights on Monday and I got myself undressed
I ain't ready for the altar but I do agree there's times
When a woman sure can be a friend of mine
Well, I keep on thinkin' 'bout you, Sister Golden Hair surprise
And I just can't live without you; can't you see it in my eyes?
I been one poor correspondent, and I been too, too hard to find
But it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind
Will you meet me in the middle, will you meet me in the air?
Will you love me just a little, just enough to show you care?
Well I tried to fake it, I don't mind sayin', I just can't make it
Well, I keep on thinkin' 'bout you, Sister Golden Hair surprise
And I just can't live without you; can't you see it in my eyes?
Now I been one poor correspondent, and I been too, too hard to find
But it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind
Will you meet me in the middle, will you meet me in the air?
Will you love me just a little, just enough to show you care?
Well I tried to fake it, I don't mind sayin', I just can't make it
Doo wop doo wop ...
Love,
Jim
After Spock left, he paced the room, naked and still painfully aroused. He should have ignored her, should have thrown her back down to the bed and had his way with her, any way he wanted. She was stronger than he but he could have found a way. He hadn't even fought. He'd argued, a little. He'd behaved ungraciously. But in the grand scheme of things he was a fucking pussy. And there seemed very little chance he could convince himself otherwise at this point.
He'd been holding thoughts of that other night at bay. The night he'd run out on Tina, not because he'd gotten what he wanted but because what he wanted had turned out to be something he could not allow himself to have. Tina had been wrong on that score, anyway, though James had been avoiding her so assidiously that he had no way of knowing. He'd been trying to forget about her ever since. Marlena, it seemed, had been right. This world had done something to him, something doubly devious because what he wanted, he could not understand. He hated Jim. And yet, Jim had something he didn't. Something he could not even pretend to have, because the instincts were all wrong even when it seemed, hell, they were more alike than he wanted to know.
Might as well admit it. He wanted Tina, not just as he'd had her, but after, soft and glowing and tangled together with no other reason to be there than they were comfortable. And it wasn't as if he and Marlena (and others) hadn't shared a bed, and some companionable silence. It wasn't even that he'd never loved Marlena (and others) in some way. But he wasn't supposed to love Tina. Nor anyone like her. He wasn't supposed to be Jim, or want to be. Wasn't supposed to want a woman because she was soft and kind and eager and innocent--not unless it was to break her, of course, or to get at something else he wanted. Wasn't supposed to feel protective of her, or somehow guilty over running off like that, with no explanation.
And now Spock had run off, and James had been found unworthy again. The overt mockery of it stung him, and yet he could not fathom why he was not off fucking someone, or pounding Spock's (or some lowly substitute's) face into a bloody pulp, but rather jerking off angrily, almost painfully, as a purely physical release which he wiped up with Spock's discarded panties and threw away.
The Saurian brandy was a blessing, stashed away since he'd stolen it a few weeks before, and he was well down it before he even realized what he was doing. And by then, he was far gone enough to find this plan entirely sensible. The only trouble, he thought, was in finding more booze.
And Tina.
Tina, lovely Tina, who he suddenly, drunkenly realized might have thought he was walking out on her like Spock had on him, which was wrong, all wrong. And she should be told. Even though she was from this stupid universe and had that cocksucking asshole's baby fucking things up, she had yelled at Spock and carried a knife and she could make an excellent Captain's woman. Yes. And if she exercised a lot, she'd be able to wear the proper uniform in no time, after the brat was born. He sat down a his terminal to tell her this.
Private to Tina Chapel
Tina,
m Not sure how long it's been, but I wanted to apoldize for being an asshole and too much fo a fucking psuys to stay the othernight. wan'st tyring to get away but scared me to stay so i elft but maybe it wasn't very nice of me. I can't stop ithinkgin about you and that night and i keep thinking I totaly fucked it up. should have snet flowers the next tday bout i was still sort of mad at myself for wanting you so I didn't.
I wrote you this powm thoguh and i wasn't sgonna sent it but now m drunk so the.r
Well I tried to make it Sunday, but I got so damn depressed
That I set my sights on Monday and I got myself undressed
I ain't ready for the altar but I do agree there's times
When a woman sure can be a friend of mine
Well, I keep on thinkin' 'bout you, Sister Golden Hair surprise
And I just can't live without you; can't you see it in my eyes?
I been one poor correspondent, and I been too, too hard to find
But it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind
Will you meet me in the middle, will you meet me in the air?
Will you love me just a little, just enough to show you care?
Well I tried to fake it, I don't mind sayin', I just can't make it
Well, I keep on thinkin' 'bout you, Sister Golden Hair surprise
And I just can't live without you; can't you see it in my eyes?
Now I been one poor correspondent, and I been too, too hard to find
But it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind
Will you meet me in the middle, will you meet me in the air?
Will you love me just a little, just enough to show you care?
Well I tried to fake it, I don't mind sayin', I just can't make it
Doo wop doo wop ...
Love,
Jim