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[grace___85]

i had a horrible weekend.

and i haven't really talked about this or how i feel about this.  i haven't slept.  i hate the dark now.  all i see is images replaying in my head.  i am terrified of the night.  i had to take a sleeping pill last night to finally get to sleep.  i didn't sleep at all this weekend until it got light out.

it didn't start out

Comments

[girl_pretending]

I pray on rare occasiona but if you feel it will help this tramatic situation I will. I'm sorry you had to be aprt of this, I wouldn't be able to sleep either, what an completly awful thing to happen. I love you and wish you the best, love you always.

[grace___85]

thank you. and you should pray, its a good thing. God is a decent guy.

and yeah, i am ok... i just won't be sad if this NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN EVER.

[__whirlwind]

oh my god jen.
how is that something you can forget?
it's so huge.
don't blame yourself for anything -- there wasn't anything more you could do. at least you were there, with him. and called the ambulance. some heartless people would just drive away from it all, unable to face it. at least you had the heart to stay with him until help came.
maybe counseling or talking to someone about this will help you... maybe not forget it, but help you to learn how to deal with this in your memory. because it won't be something you'll forget, but it doesn't have to be something that will haunt you.
<3

[grace___85]

i know. thats what brandon said. that it is definitely not something we will forget, but i shouldnt let it bother me. but...i really do feel as if we could've done a lot different.

and the guy was unconscious since the time we got there, he didnt know we were there. and i just hope that there really is no such thing as ghosts that haunt people. cuz i have memories doing that already.

thanks <3

[baloneybubbolio]

no doubt i'll pray for you!
definetly something i'd be scared about and hating things because of too.
cliche`, but God knows your pain. and best of all, He knows how to get you through it! :)

i know it won't feel better right away, but someday it will.
you can't relive it. so maybe just be satisfied with the fact that you WERE there, and you DID HELP. reliving things like that playing "what if...?" won't change the fact, instead just prepare yourself for next time. or maybe do what you can to change/help someone else this mgith happen to and figure out what you can do to get ambulances out their quicker, or take a first aid preparedness class, might put you at ease?

how you've stoppped shaking, and the possibility that you've been able to fall asleep, that shows the strength you've got.
and yeah, things just suck and hurt worse than you can imagine sometimes in this life. but we have to deal, it's really the only option we have.

i'm bad at being nice so sorry if that came off mean.
i sincerely hope you're doing better soon

[grace___85]

i know, i keep telling myself that. that God loves me and doesnt want me to be frightened by this.

that didnt come off as mean at all, thank you.

and my thing was... i feel like a horrible person because i HAVE taken a first aid class, and i HAVE taken CPR. i was a lifeguard. i just... it was so long ago, i didnt dare do anything.

and i should have.

but i can't go back, right? ick. i am just so glad that guy wasnt married or had kids or anything or else i dunno how i could live with myself

[nipdawg03]

wow i am like totally speachless..i couldnt imagine seeing something like that happening. i think i would freeze up too, and hun you werent confident enough to perform cpr..its not a crime. had you been able to i know you would have...dont let this one bad experience make you think differntly about anything. you didnt cause the accident, so dont think you couldnt live with yourself or anything...

im here for ya if you ever need to talk...my phone is always on.

<333