the first cut is the deepest, but it's the shallow ones that really sting

[grannyglasseye]

OK. I think (I'm afraid?) it's time to talk about my feelings

Comments

[mrzodiac]

I don't have any answers for you but I can tell you that myself and quite a few of my friends have gone through the same thing. I don't know why it is but a not insignificant number of people spaz out on their friends after they've been out of college for just a while. I'm guilty of it too, in fact.

Someone suggested to me that the reason is that once you've graduated college you find adulthood staring you in the face and you're not who you envisioned you would be. So you make some major lifestyle changes to get there or to compensate. I'm not convinced but it was something for me to chew on when I was dealing with it.

[farrow]

Society never really tells you, ever, how much friendships have the capacity to function in the same way that romantic relationships do. And that breakups can happen between friends, and that it can hurt a hell of a lot. I'm sorry you were friend-dumped, Marilyn, it sounds like she was (is) a very deep love of yours. The greater problem with friend-breakups is that we don't really have a broad recognition that such a thing exists, and therefore it's a lot harder to establish any sense of finality and closure. It tends to just be completely inexplicable like you've described. It's so much harder to pin down a moment when you say, okay, it really is over for good, and I need to move on. It seems like you have reached that moment, though, and as anyone would say to a recent dumpee in a romantic relationship, I hope for you that you'll find strength and growth and come out a happier person. Sounds like you're taking all the right steps, and I applaud you.

[grannyglasseye]

This is an excellent idea. I am going to try out this viewpoint.

[quirty]

*hugs* I know the ache that comes from losing a great friendship, whatever the reason. I've too often let a relationship fade away due to discomfort in communication or with initiating contact. There's no way of anyone knowing, but she might get over her issues someday and be ready to talk. If so, though, it will definitely be at her pace and not yours. (I feel like the times I've witness friend dumping, the dumper gets over it in 1-5 years, but that's for adolescents...) If you care to keep the line open, you could add her on your christmas card list (for 2010 to give her some more time). I think its just impersonal enough not to be asking anything of her, but it would give her a window if she wants it.

[grannyglasseye]

...Good call! I actually really like that idea, thank you. It also seems hella classy somehow.

[farrow]

I echo what quirty said; the times I've been friend-dumped and the times I have done the dumping, things were able to become amicable again in a couple of years. In all of my cases, though, it was a lot like a romantic ex that you try to become friends with again - always just a tad awkward, and never the same as before. I do wish you good luck in having a better time with it. It's got to be possible.

[beachmusic]

*hug*

:(

[popculturejon]

It bothers me to no end to mull over in my own mind. Be well MED you are important to me.