Apparently feeling needed is a fairly vital part of male mental health in a relationship. Shit. I have to talk about this, and I REALLY do not want to make any waves when the boat seems roughly on course. I mean I've felt detached and that's not good but... things are so much better that it's really fucking hard to start this conversation that ( Read more... )

So the window lock that is supposed to do... something I don't know that sits internal to the outside window broke and was preventing me from closing it. Many awkward attempts to fix it later I resorted to the military solution of use more force. So now I have a broken window lock... on a window that already has three locks. I don't understand this ( Read more... )

There's mostly just a quiet buzz in my head. The relationship is improving and I couldn't put my finger on why I have been... not unhappy but unsatisfied which is why such a long time between updates. I'm not sure if I'm needed here. Like my presence is appreciated, but it feels like if I just left and the bills kept getting paid there wouldn't be ( Read more... )

been staring at this for a week intending to write but my thoughts are so scattered I don't even know what to put down. I really have no idea how I'm feeling. I guess it's kindof relief that we seem to be doing ok, but at the same time... I'm unstable. I guess processing? I don't know.

Girl and kid are out sleeping in a tent she picked up cheap. Tent would fit three very uncomfortably and the kid squirms and kicks in his sleep. She specifically said you can sleep out here but it would be uncomfortable. I know it's just one night and everything is ok, but I'm still up here in bed by myself devastated because I'm not with my family ( Read more... )

No update for a while cause... she finished the letter explaining exactly what was going on in her head. Two months of not really talking to me then bam here's everything I haven't been able to talk to you about. I'm really glad she finished it... I'm just dealing with the fact that she withdrew and closed off for two months. However that being ( Read more... )

Dealing with the girl in this unresolved state takes effort. I have to not snap and be like tell me what your fucking problem is lets lay it all out, sift through it and see where we stand. I also have to not let out all the depression and pain I'm in because of this unresolved state. I also have to not talk about the most relevant and pressing ( Read more... )

How to remain socially active under depression.
Step 1, go downstairs and try to interact.
Step 2. realize that you are really tired so take a 5 minute break to reset, use the restroom etc.
Step 3. wonder why it's an hour later and you've literally just been standing in your bathroom staring at a wall.

She promised an hour or two a day of one on one time for a week and see what happens... tomorrow it will have been a week and she has actually followed through a few days out of the week. It wasn't an hour but it was something. We will see what she says tomorrow but honestly I have no idea what is going on with her cause we only had a few days and ( Read more... )

talked to her and left the comment if you stick around I may treat you like my girlfriend... so she left the room.