Well, I guess I should've known that it was too good to be true. I shoulda just kept my mouth shut and kept going, I shoulda just kept pretending that everything was fine.

So, my dilemma is as follows... I love and am in love with Doron Tsur. I have spent the past 6.5 months chasing after him and trying to make him see how special what we have ( Read more... )

So, I couldn't have possibly asked for a better weekend - I mean, really really nice. Party in Tel Aviv with Dana on Friday night for Halloween, Doron coming over and spending the night. Then he spent all day Saturday with me, having rampant sex and helping me with Edon's birthday. I think that he and my mom kinda smoothed things over a bit, she ( Read more... )

Well, it's certainly not exactly how I imagined things happening, but well, I guess I've come to learn that things with Doron never really happen the way that I expect them to. This is the longest that we've ever been apart... 6.5 months and it's going to be really hard to do this the right way without rushing into things and just expecting things ( Read more... )

So, I'm trying my very hardest to make some lemonade from the lemons that life seems to throw me left and right. I'm not starting school this year, which sucks - WHICH REALLY SUCKS IN FACT. But, then again maybe everything happens for a reason and I just wasn't ready to start school this year. But, I'm not giving up on my higher education, it will ( Read more... )

Doron ( Read more... )

I'm glad that I'm back... but Doron is harder to escape in Israel. Mainly because I know that he's so close and at the same time so far that it hurts. It was easier when he was physically farther away - like somehow the distance made things a little easier, the idea of him a little more remote and less real. I landed and stepped outside into the ( Read more... )

So, I think I've come to the realization that for Yaron, I'm just a nifty little thing to pass the time with, nothing more. A form of entertainment and when I go, sure I'll be missed for a little, but eventually I'll be replaced. I wonder sometimes if I should just talk to him straight up and tell him everything that I'm thinking and just see how ( Read more... )

I hate that my moods are dependent on whether or not I get attention from men.

I don't know what I want anymore. More than ever, I feel like I'm being pulled apart. There is my life in Israel, which, if I'm being completely honest, doesn't feel like much of a life without Doron in it. I feel empty a lot of the times - like there is this part of me ( Read more... )

I realize that this may sound really silly, but I was kinda hoping that Doron would call me and wish me a happy birthday or send a little message or something. The thing is that he probably didn't even remember that it was my birthday. He probably doesn't think about me and I'm just sitting here wishing that he would contact me in some small way - ( Read more... )

Last night, I had a dream that Doron and I got back together. That he came back to me and told me that it didn't feel the same when we're not together, that he missed me. Then we laid down on the bed together and he just hugged me and I had that feeling like I used to have... that feeling of safety... like nothing else in the world mattered because ( Read more... )