I want to be something someone wants.
I want them to want me so bad that their bones hurt.

I feel like I've been stuck inside my own head for too long.
I'm stuck in limbo between what actually is and what could possibly be.
I'm unsure.
I don't know what answers I crave because I don't even know the questions.
My brain isn't working.

Sometimes I think the accumulation of these self inflicted scars means nothing.
Sometimes I think the need to feel skeletal is normal.
Sometimes I think the need to feel the warmth that can only be delivered by another is the only thing I live for.
Sometimes I think I'm going crazy.
Sometimes I don't.

My eyelids are heavy.

There might actually be something.

Or just false hope.

Either way I couldn't care less.
I am content.

I thought things were interesting. That they were new and exciting.
Now I'm thinking that life is just a mindless chain of events, a tapestry that from afar looks flawless and beautiful. But up close you can see the knots, the broken threads, holes in the middle where too many hands have groped at it. Just looking to hold onto something.

As cliche ( Read more... )

I've been listening to alot of Carbon Leaf and Devics lately.

I don't know how I feel.

My mom is a fucking cunt.

Mom accused me of flirting with Joe because I made him brownies.
It was his birthday. I make everyone brownies. It's just something I do.
THEN she accused me of flirting with Mr. Jackson(gag me) because I burned him a cd.
What the fuck?

Upside:I passed math for the quarter.

Things have been good. Halloween was awesome. Got a shitload of candy.
Hung out with Joe, Em and Scott for a bit.
Came home, went to bed.
Joe called me around 12:45 asking if I wanted to eat pizza.
Had pizza.
Went to Karlie's.
Hung out with Joe.
Came home and now I might be out again.

Woot.
I have a life!

I finally did my essay for Ziari. It sucks, but it's done.
Now I just have two for Seals and a power point for Ms. King.
I should get most of it done tomorrow.
Hopefully it won't count for this quarter grade.

I have to start looking at colleges.
I need to sign up for the SATs and ACTs.