i haven't posted in a few days, mostly because i'm a fucktard who can't do anything right... my mom searched my room today, she found a pack of pins and needles, and one razor blade, but i still have 9 of them (8 are still really sharp, just cut my toe to prove it. yes, my toe, because they don't check there.)

to explain the picture, the girl on ( Read more... )

been on a nonstop binge for the past couple days, prolly 5 otter pops, 10 little bags of chips, 2 hotdogs, and 5 sodas. *sigh* its kinda hard to eat well during a garage sale. course, it'd also be easy to starve, if i had the willpower....

well, i cut today... so much for not cutting. actually i made like 30 teeny-tiny cuts on my wrist and it just like its rubbed really raw, which is what i told my parents. i did it at drivers ed, and i wrote 'HELP' on the wall in blood. i washed it off later, but someone saw. jasmin. gotta watch her, hopefully she didn't say anything. and i have ( Read more... )

i let myself eat normally yesterday (not like i ate nothing but pizza and cake, but normally), trying to get my metabolism up for my next fast, and i gained 2 pounds! in one day! and i weighed at the same time and everything... grr. plus, it was 200.5... i never wanted to be over 200 for the rest of my life! i still don't, so i'm not eating ( Read more... )

nathan uploaded pictures of him kissing janie. its not that he kisses her that bothers me, its that he looks at her the same way that he looked at me once.... goddammit i miss it! i miss him! why did i ever let him fuck this up? i know if i asked him to stay he would have. its not that im jealous, im really not. he told me he's sleeping with her, ( Read more... )

well, this is a lot deeper emotionally than i usually go, but i kind of need support on this and im too scared to tell anyone else in my real life. i told nathan (because he gets me) and my mom and my therapist (well, my mom told my therapist, who's a bitch, but what can i do) anyway, this is going to require a lot of explanation...

ok, i'll try to ( Read more... )

199.5 pounds this morning!! :D i'm not eating much today, i really really REALLY wanna stay under 200

no one is going to be happy about this, even though i am... i have procured knives :D ( Read more... )

my favorite part is "two of you were never physically intimate, so you were not in a romantic relationship." that is bull shit on so many levels. i said that our intimacy wasn't physical, it was emotional. which is true. not to say we didn't have physical intimacy. we did things. (that's as specific as i'm going to get so I don't have to mark ( Read more... )

muchas gracias to as_lonely_as_me for actually giving advice. *hugs* i appreciate it.

well, my major decision is to keep talking to him, and draw strength from my slight anger at him and also the determination i had in a similar situation with nathan before we dated. he was "in love" (not) with this chick megan... long story, but i handled it then ( Read more... )