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baaaaa-aaaack
so guess who just came out for the first time... don't get all excited tho. i came out as "questioning" and i only told nathan, and only because he knew something was up. he knows me too damn well.... oh, and he told me that he's still not over me (a year and 4 months after we broke up). i mean obviously he's not into me, but he still loves me as a ( Read more... ) -
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asked my only close friend for advice (nathan, for those 0 of u who care). heeeeere is all the helpful advice i achieved ( Read more... ) -
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i hate people, i hate myself, i hate my life, i hate everything. everything that everyone loves about me is a lie. if you strip away all the smoke and mirrors, im nothing you (not you, you, ppl i know, just thinking out loud) think i am, and so all of the reasons you think i should live are fundamentally flawed. im a fat worthless little bitch with ( Read more... ) -
friggin GAHHHH!!
god, nathan... he's such a retard!! he's dating, and in love with, this girl janie... she has a fabulous track record- "testing" him by having her best friend hit on him
- pressuring him to smoke
- canceling dates because he's in a "bad mood" or because she doesn't think she can get any
- raping him
- pressuring him to have sex (separate from the rape) several ( Read more... )
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some days i want to break all the rules. do everything that all the adults think is "so unlike me." i want to cuss someone out, scream when i want to, walk out of the room when i feel like it, steal a car, shatter a mirror with my face, say what i think, sneak out in the middle of the night, find nathan and kiss him, bitch-slap everyone who ( Read more... ) -
im suicidal, how are you?
DISCLAIMER: i am not going to kill myself. i do not need, nor want an intervention. i will be fine after i vent a bit, and if you're going to tell me to tell a responsible adult, it's not going to happen, so go fuck off
god, i hate this. i lie to fucking EVERYONE about everything. i feel so fake, i hate it. i want to kill myself, it would be so easy ( Read more... ) -
my life as it stands
various emotionless updates:
school has started. a few days ago, august 26th. the joys of private school.
im cutting again. not sure why. im not even numb like i was anymore..... yay for getting off my drugs. i'm only on 200 mg of seroquel (a quarter of what i used to be on) and im pretty sure effexor is useless, except that it kills my hunger which ( Read more... ) -
ugh
grrrrr what the fuck my father is a retard. he was throwing bitch fits about EVERY LITTLE THING.... like yesterday he flipped out when i ate a 2nd cupcake (note that they were about the size of a half-dollar, not like a legit cupcake) because apparently even though they'd been out for hours, i was being rude and stealing more than my share. this ( Read more... ) -
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i have returned!! there was vacation and a mission trip and a retreat, but now i am here.
i cut my arm. well, scratched, technically, but it bled a lot and looks a lot like a cut, and i'm not always sure where the line between the two is anyway. but it was done with that useless stick thing off a pen that's sposta help you pin it on your pocket or ( Read more... ) -
wtf??!
this is a junk mail letter i just got, that i think is pretty retarded. it has nothing to do with anything but i thought it was funny.
subject: Mr. beth, unique 80% sale begins today. used Northern now embryological opening
from: SexPills from America [kiived3992@hinet.net]
body:
<http://to.Meteorological.com/engine/Corellia.jpg>
The latter are ( Read more... )
