Mirror Mirror on the Wall: Chapter 13 - Putting Away Childish Things
Here begins the last chapters in this series on the Winchester family and its influence on Sam and Dean and their relationship.
We began this journey through the development of the Family Winchester with the tale of the Siren. In that tale, the truth of love was put to the test. Is love that first blush of adoration, the hormones, longing, and unconditional regard? Or is love something that is shot through with much darker colors, a complex weave of joys and disappointments, gifts given and sacrifices demanded, a giving over and a taking away that, when viewed as a whole, is more than the sum tally of its individual threads?
We were given a Siren that appealed to the deepest and oldest parts of ourselves, and I have to wonder why he was placed solidly amidst this season's ongoing themes of destiny versus free will. Why now?
It seems to me that the themes of free will versus destiny are being closely brought into parallel with those of the fracturing of Sam and Dean's relationship.
The Power of Free Will
Of all the actors upon the Apocalyptic stage, only man has free will. As Castiel called his own kind, angels are the agents of destiny. And we've been told time and time again that Demons have to "follow the rules."
Strange. Strange how a leaky pipe can undo the work of angels, when we ourselves are supposed to be the agents of fate.
On the Head of a Pin
I make a deal, I have to follow through. Those are the rules, and you know it.
The Monster at the End of This Book
In the Angel versus Demon show-down that is the impending Apocalypse, it seems that only humanity is free to choose their path. No wonder, then, that both angels and demons vie to bind Sam and Dean to their will. They are the only free players on the field and so, with their power to choose, may tip the balance, furthering the cause of whatever entity holds their leash.
Sam, by choice, is bound to Ruby, surrendering his free will to the addiction that she fosters.
The Rapture
It's not your fault. It's not your fault you lied to me over, and over again. I get it now. You couldn't help it.
When the Levee Breaks
When the Levee Breaks
On the Head of a Pin
Dean, of his choice, bound himself to God and His angels, surrendering his free will by swearing to be an agent of their will.
Do you give yourself wholely over to the service of God and his angels… Do you swear to follow His will and His word as swiftly and obediently as your own fathers?
When the Levee Breaks
So, in this fight to prevent Lucifer rising and the Apocalypse, only Sam and Dean are free to vary, to veer off course and choose things above, beyond, aside from their destiny. Whether or not they exercise this power to choose is yet to be determined.
By bringing the themes of the Siren and its tale of the tension between the pull of infantile wish and adult reality, it seems to me that we're not only being shown the importance of free will in the face of a destiny enforced by supernatural forces, but free will exercised in the face of the predestination that is our childhood.
Our family life determines the frame with which we view the world, how we perceive it, others and ourselves within it. Perception is clearly not reality, but filters the focus with which we attend to and attributing meaning to what we experience. Perception is not reality, but it is very real in its effects. One of its effects is to narrow the range of ways of interacting with each other; interpreting what others mean when they speak and act and considering our options for responding to them.
It seems to me that Dean and Sam are in the midst of an important transition in their relationship. The old roles and ways of perceiving themselves and each other have led them to the impasse in which we find them in When the Levee Breaks. It seems that either they challenge their old ways of seeing themselves and each other, the mindsets that John fostered in them, or they continue down this path of destruction of the relationship.
We Return to Where We Started
I see John as a truly tragic figure. After Mary's death, he lives in fear of losing his sons and seeking redemption for having failed his wife. Because of this, he shaped his sons and their relationships in to a family system that was exquisitely adapted to surviving in this new world he found himself. If there were evil things that were out there and they were particularly interested in one of his sons, John was damned and determined that his sons would be prepared. Like many prophecies, they are self-fulfilling. The very actions taken to avoid the fearful thing predicted becomes those that create the thing feared.
DEAN: No, this time was different. He said that I had to save you.
SAM: Save me from what?
DEAN: He just said that I had to save you. Nothing else mattered. And if I couldn’t, I’d…
SAM: You’d what, Dean?
DEAN: I’d have to kill you. He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy.
Hunted
And so, as well as teaching them skills to hunt the supernatural, John also instilled in his sons mindsets that were designed to keep them together and hypervigilant to external threats, and yet these very ways of thinking have contributed to where Sam and Dean have found themselves at the end of Season 4. John created a family that was insular, self-dependent, wary of outside influences, and focused on their mission of "Keep Sam safe" and "Reject all thing supernatural. With these weapons, he circled the wagons, likely never thinking that maybe under the strain their occupants might start shooting inward.
The Effect of the Family Structure
Here I'll trace the effects of John's influence on his family. First I'd like to examine the effects of John's insistence on isolation and rigidity in family roles. While John fostered this mindset to preserve his family, if you trace the effects from the family's inception down to current events of Season 4, I think you'll see that John's actions had unintended negative consequences as well.
So, John creates a family system with rigid, impermeable boundaries, fostering enmeshment between its members and isolation from the larger world.
You got a girlfriend, friends. Not anymore you don't. If you're really going to do this You can't have those kinds of connections, ever. They're weaknesses.
Jump the Shark
This lead to:
Hunters who are threats to Dean’s state of mind or Sam’s life, like Gordon, are kept out.
It wasn’t my sister anymore. It wasn’t human. I didn’t blink…and neither would you.
SAM: He’s a substitute for Dad, isn’t he? A poor one… Dad’s dead! And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can’t take it, but you can’t just fill up that hole with whoever you want to!
Blood Lust
You’re no better than the filthy things you hunt. Do it. Do it! Show your brother the killer you really are, Sammy.
Hunted
And on to:
Dean learns this lesson early in his life and encourages it in Sam
DEAN: Amanda! Hey.
After School Special
SAM: So, what am I supposed to do, just cut everybody out of my life? You’re serious?
DEAN: Look, it sucks, but in a job like this, you can’t get close to people, period.
SAM: You’re kind of anti-social, you know that?
Skin
Sam learns this lesson and eventually cuts out just about everyone in his life, and the hope of anyone else in his life, except Dean.
SAM: Madison, no.
MADISON: Sam, I’m a monster.
SAM: You don’t have to be. We can find a way, all right? I can. I’m going to save you.
MADISON: You tried. I know you tried. But this is all there is left. Help me, Sam. I want you to do it. I want it to be you.
SAM: I can’t.
MADISON: I don’t want to die. I don’t. But I can’t live like this. This is the way you can save me. Please. I’m asking you to save me.
Heart
So when the brothers are bereft.
All Hell Breaks Loose I
No Rest for the Wicked
They are ALONE.
Their attachments to anyone other than each other pale in comparison and so they have very little left to lose once they've lost their brother. They have a very limited network of people to turn to to feel supported and connected, or kick them in the butt when they need it.
All Hell Breaks Loose II
I Know What You Did Last Summer
As well as keeping other people safe and dangerous influences like Gordon out, the rigid boundaries also impede Bobby’s ability to exert a positive influence. As stress increases, the stakes are higher, and people in general are less likely to consider alternatives. They're more likely to go with the tried and true strategies to cope with a threat. Because of the Winchester family's rigidity, Sam and Dean are even more resistant to changing perceptions or roles, even when it becomes apparent that the current perceptions and roles aren't working. Instead of considering alternatives, they hold onto these perceptions and roles the more tightly. It becomes even less acceptable to have someone other than Sam or Dean fulfill the needs that they turn to each other to fill. So, rather than turn to an intimate community in their time of distress, they tend to isolate themselves from the few people they could turn to.
You know where I’ll be.
AHBL 2
He was quiet, real quiet. Then he just took off. Wouldn't return my calls. I tried to find him, but he didn't want to be found.
Lazarus Rising
And instead, they turn to "people" they can use as tools.
All Hell Breaks Loose II
I Know What You Did Last Summer
"Tools" don’t have to meet emotional needs. They can be used and discarded with little emotional consequences. Sam and Dean will use others as tools to reconnect with each other, re-establishing the status quo, but because of the rigid boundaries around the family and resulting enmeshed relationships, when one of the dies, they won't let anyone else take over each other's roles.
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Next in the series: Chapter 14 - Triangles are a Demon's Best Friend
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Chapter 1: On the Siren's Call
Chapter 2: On John the Man
Chapter 3: On John the Father
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Chapter 4: On Dean The Motherless Child
Chapter 5: On Dean the Heart of the Family
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Chapter 6: On Sam Born of Love and Loss
Chapter 7: On Sam in the Box
Chapter 8: On Sam out of the Box
Chapter 9 : On Sam Captive on a Carousel of Time
Chapter 10: On Sam Power Can Be Taken, But Not Given
Chapter 11: On Sam From Here Forward
Chapter 12: On Sam Out of the Box Redux
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Chapter 13: On SamnDean Putting Away Childish Things
Chapter 14: On SamnDean Triangles are a Demon's Best Friend
Chapter 15: On SamnDean Stop the Carousel I Want to Get Off
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credit goes to oxoniensis and marishna of summerskin for the screencaps