Sometimes I'm still sad about it. It being a lot of things. But now, the sadness passes and my day goes on. 'Til the next time it hits, 'til the next time I'm reminded of it ( Read more... )

My worst trait is that I'm never content or happy with what I have. There is never enough. If I'm not missing one thing, it's something else. I never have it all. Am I cursed to eternally living life missing that one thing, whatever it is at that moment ( Read more... )

I smile, I laugh, I tell you that everything is going really well. I let you go on believing that I'm fine. Just as fine as can be. But thoughts race inside my mind. I'm here but I'm not really here. I'm not myself. I don't know how to be myself right now. I can't, I just can't. I don't know why. I hate it, I hate this feeling. I don't think I've ( Read more... )

I generally consider myself a "people person." I like people. I love people. That's one thing about nursing that really appeals to me---I get to work with and be around others all day. I love human interaction and connection. But deep, deep down, past the surface of my being, I'm really a loner ( Read more... )

Another excerpt from my pen-and-paper journal:

It's a warm Saturday morning ... just comfortable enough to enjoy some time outside with Lola ... The skies are so clear today. I feel so calm and at peace. Two of my patients/family members remarked on how calm I am yesterday ... it's funny. I never thought of myself as a calm person until I started ( Read more... )

Excerpted from a letter I wrote in reply to a dear friend:

So you asked what is on my mind and in my heart today ... do you ever feel like each day the world slowly crumbles at your feet yet there is nothing you can do about it? Last night, my mom was watching a documentary that gathered many people's video footage of the tsunami that hit Japan. I ( Read more... )

It's a cool 77 degrees outside and the overcast sky is a lovely blue-gray color I haven't seen in awhile. The rain smells so good this morning. I let Lola out and didn't mind at all that she was taking her sweet time. I closed my eyes and listened to the tiny rain drops hitting the leaves, the gutter, the ground. I heard cars passing by, teenagers ( Read more... )

Hey LJ and LJ friends. Paul reminded me via Facebook that it's been awhile since I've updated. (Thanks, Paulie---this one's for you!) Today is a nice quiet day at home with Lola. I'm feeling a little under the weather but I've got to get over it so I can get through this 3-in-a-row I'm about to work.

Yesterday I was hanging out in the living room ( Read more... )

I feel incomplete.. missing something. Maybe I know what it is but I'm too afraid to say it. Maybe I don't know what it is at all. Maybe this is a transient feeling that will flee from me in a few moments.. surely to return someday, not long from now. The only things I know with certainty in this moment are.. my heart aches. I'm fighting back the ( Read more... )

Before I begin, I just want to note that it is a beautiful Saturday morning. The house is quiet, sunlight streams through the windows, and for the first time in awhile, my mind is at peace enough for me to reflect and write out my thoughts ( Read more... )