I hath been on a long holiday. T'was quite fun, and I smote many sinners during my time off. However, I hast taken far too long of a break and hath let heathens come into Livejournal in epic proportions. They shalt suffer the wrath bestowed upon Sodom and Gommorah.

I shalt not tolerate blasphemy. I feel that I hath acted justly and wisely. Thy Lord commands it ( Read more... )

I hath good news! Thy Lord's time of reckoning art on hand. First, thy Lord hath sent two Beasts from the sea as it hath proclaimed in Revelation: thy Lord's bountiful tsunami and thy Lord's most humbling hurricane. New Babylon hath been destroyed and there art much gnashing of teeth in the city of thy unGodly festival Mardi Gras. The ( Read more... )

It hath been a while, but thy Lord's servant, Gabriel, hath finally returned. For those of thee that hadst thought "he has been beaten," thou shalt feel my wrath shortly. However, in my pursuits of Heavenly visions, I hath forgotten that after a certain point, water put in a vodka bottle to replace missing contents fails due to taste, and that ( Read more... )

I hath decided that for Gabriel to continue thy Lord's Holy Quest, he shalt need helpers. Keep thy eyes open and ears peeled. Thy community of livejournal hath been infested with swine, and even those that hath not met all thy Lord's requirements shalt be needed to wipe the Earth clean of their presence. If thou art interested, preparest thyself ( Read more... )

Creationists are thy Lord's most "special" children in heaven, with only thy Lord's adorable little princes of darkwave and self-induced chemical imbalances, the group that thou knowest as goths, coming close. Evolution hast truth, and its rejection from thy Lord's most fervent and contradictory followers hast been due to thy Lord's prophet's ( Read more... )

The Heavenly Father clearly supports killing babies for thy parents' sins. Hast thou not heard of Soddom and Gomorah? Babies died for thy parents' sin, and shall continue to die in the future. Blessed be His name!