lately I have just been so unhappy. I'm trying to fill the void with things that distract me. I've been drinking too much and wandering around with someone that I don't even really know. Maybe that's why I do it. With him, I hide behind this bizarre identity and just completely forget how miserable I really am. I know that I'm being used, but I don ( Read more... )

"Am I, for instance, just sidling back to God because I know that if there's any road to C., it runs through Him? But then of course I know perfectly well that He can't be used as a road. If you're approachign Him not as the goal but as a road, not as the end but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all. That's what was really wrong ( Read more... )

williams is bundles of fun. Volleyball team looks amazing. Having fun with Val as a roomie (hi val), but I'm probably gonna move into an entry to meet more people. Today is 11 months since Charlie died, I really miss him. At least Williamstown isn't as lonely as Seattle was.

school is stressing the shit out of me. They've managed to completely fuck up all my paperwork. They can't tell if i'm a freshman or sophomore, they've deleted my e-mail, and I have no idea where I'm rooming or who I'm rooming with, but online I just found out that Mission is now a freshman dorm so I'm super confused. GAH ( Read more... )

today I participated in my first triathalon and came in 1st for my age group!

sincerely yours,
the triathlete

i can't wait for alex and emily to visit ( Read more... )

new with me ( Read more... )

I enjoy:

1. Seattle
2. the Mariners
3. my Mariners baseball teeshirt
4. eating salads more often
5. driving to work
6. taking to Randall on Friday mornings
7. care packages from the cotes
8. my quilt

I don't enjoy:

1. work
2. being lonely

I miss:

1. Charlie
2. Emily
3. my puppy
4. my family (both of them)

im in seattle

loads of super fun

just a few loose ends, including burying charlie, packing, and saying goodbye to those who matter most

I think, if I manage to get things done tomorrow and thursday, that Friday will be a day of complete sadness. I am thrilled by the prospect. I feel emotionally numb and am hoping to just totally bury myself in despair and pain. Then the next few ( Read more... )