One of my most cherished memories is of you and I singing this at Pat O'Briens on a cool afternoon, drinking ridiculous drinks and generally in love with life ( Read more... )

I know the steps of this grief and I have no notion of how to live it again ( Read more... )

We went on a roadtrip to WV. We both have visions of living, loving there one day.I am not surprised, and happy for it. I'd go there with you, literallg and metaphorically.

You were kind and cruel and resolute and vulnerable. I hate all of it

And love you more

You were infitestimally gentle.

I wish you were here

And still, being close to you puts my heart at ease...even with you sick and qiiet and sleeping. I feel at home.

I have been thinking, before the Victor stuff, that for Christmas / end of the year, I want to write love letters to my friends ( Read more... )

I am scared to hear the doctor's prognosis tomorrow. I cannot imagine my world without you. I can imagine all that your body and mind and beautiful soul might endure.

And I weep for it.

And I will be here every step of the way.

Its been an odd holiday weekend.  R and I spent time together... and then more time together.  It was lovely, all of it.  The end was even lovelier - he did something he's never done and I cried at the sheer beauty of it.  And I think he kinda tried to hide a quiet I love you into things.  I love you to, sir.

That's the hopeful and the fear.

( Read more... )

Victor was diagmosed with liver cancer Wednesday.

More randomness because I keep trying random things - good, bad, heroic, ridiculous and nothing - in an attempt to connect ( Read more... )

I have so many things left to say to you.  And there seems no manner by which I might say them.  We don't spend time together.  We don't talk.  And yet, you're with me most days, here in my heart, a hidden conspirator in things I find funny or moving or when I need to make a decision and find my heart and when crossword puzzles have answers that ( Read more... )