Would any of you Barge-travelers be up to a game of Risk? I feel as though it's been far too long since I played a proper game of it!

Ah, the memories...

Erm, while I'm well aware we're in the midst of a "fear flood" or what not, I can't help but wonder why that diabolical penguin puppet is back.

In my quarters.

Staring at me.

I mean, surely there are more logical fears one could exploit...

Just wanted to check in and see how it was going. I was wondering how you're doing on the "toilet cleaning" front-- you know, with your suits at stake and all. Of course, you don't need me to remind you, I'm sure.

Yes, erm, Hello. This is Arnold Rimmer, one of your wardens? Look, I was wondering, if it isn't too much of a bother, if I might be able to get you to do me a quick favor. See, as a hologram, I am comprised entirely of light and find it rather, well, impossible to do much of anything when it comes to physically enforcing my inmate's conduct ( Read more... )

That's done and over with, so I suppose we can return to the abnormal excuse for normality we're all so accustomed to around here.

Marvelous.

Also, Stinson? What's with this I see in your file about a gambling problem? It's really very fascinating.

Hm. It would appear I got myself a new inmate.

RIGHT! So, listen here... [There is a pause as he searches to find the name]... Barney Stinson! Either shape up or answer to me! I want no funny business-- do you hear me? From now on, you answer to Captain A.J. Rimmer!

...erm. Yes. That's all. Carry on.

Yes, well. I think I'm hardly alone when I say I'm glad that's behind us. Really, children are insufferable little twats! Good riddance to them all.

PRIVATE TO GEORGE:Speaking of insufferable little twats, I didn't mean anything when I said I used to be called a git! My parents loved me, in fact, and thought I was their best son! I don't know what ( Read more... )

Alright, you spotty bottomed, sniveling, putrid, spineless WEASELS!!

What one of you did it?! I'm not playing around here-- I will find you and you will answer to Arnold Rimmer!

Smeg.

...Balthazar? Are you there? I've just received information on our upcoming port...

Know what would really strike me fancy right now? A big helping of curry vindaloo... Does anyone know if we've got the makings?

Holly? Do you know if-

Oh, right, Hol's not here. What about you all-- do you know if we've got any curry?