Guess who just graduated an inmate?

Now, now- I've never been one to toot the my own horn, but I simply had to share in this situation. Barney Stintson, the miserable worm he was, finally saw the light and moved on to an existence far better than he might have found here. And it was all thanks to the no-nonsense wardening of yours truly ( Read more... )

...Erm, well.

These are new.

I know this might not be a popular idea with a some of you, but I think it's necessary that we instigate some sort of a curfew. Now, I know the past couple of days have been cause for celebration in some of you, but the carrying on loudly at all hours just isn't going to cut it, mateys. That's why, in order to prevent the sleep deprivation I've ( Read more... )

Everything's back to how it ought to be? Marvelous. I knew we could do it. Good job, everyone! This illustrates the power of teamwork. I only hope we can continue working so harmoniously together.

Stinson, what's your status? Answer me this time.

I never thought I'd say this, but there are some benefits to no longer possessing a physical body. Namely, when you find your ship overrun with a hostile alien presence that relies on attaching wires and other sharp bits of metal to "assimilate" you, a hologram is not exactly top priority. Of course, when this whole takeover began, I was naturally ( Read more... )

Stinson?

Are you there?

I swear, the level of cheating on this smegging ship

Well, that blasted tournament is over. It's time I'll never get back and I can't say it was run particularly well. It doesn't do much when you can't roll your own defense dice and have to rely on your competitors to roll for you. "Oh, yes! Please save me from your invading army, General! I'd be ( Read more... )

While it's highly unlikely this has anything to do with you, I'm bound to tell you that you're going to have to stay in your room for awhile and not cause any trouble. Is that clear?

Yoo-hoo, Stinson!

It's Arnold Rimmer, the object of your affection?

I was wondering if perhaps I could have a quick word with you.

I must say, this is a perfectly marvelous turn of events. I mean, once you get past the fact that my inmate seems to have thrown all obstinacy to the wind and decided he is in love with one Arnold J. Rimmer. But ah! There is some good news in all that! It seems he's quite willing to do whatever I ask of him, provided I give him some hope of ( Read more... )