man wedding yesterday made us want kids soo stinking bad. there was some adorable kids. plus some old friends from freshman year of college who are now grown up, married, and have kids. i hope our future kids will be as adorable.

so we're at this like new phase of life right now. we've been married for over 6 months. we realize that we're NOT ready for kids. and we also don't really feel led to try to have them. but i'm left with the question of what should we do. i totally believe that God closes and opens a woman's womb. i mean for the past 5 months we took no precaution ( Read more... )

i think i need to learn to be a submissive wife. i think i'm sucking at that right now.....

i dont think we're pregnant. got my period i believe.

so yeah. thats the answer this month. we'll see what comes in the months to come.

so no news. just that the pee test came back negative. the doctor thinks i'm not pregnant. but she said to wait and see if i get my period. and she gave me no real other explanation for why i feel so poopy. just said that maybe its low blood pressure or something crazy like that. and then other then that she told me how to get pregant...he he he. ( Read more... )

so we made an appointment. matt got tired of me getting all faint on him. so he told me i need to go in. so i'm going. today at 2:30. yup. i dont know. its scary. sorta. but not. my only concern is if its not what we think it is, then what is it. cause i havent been feeling good everyday for like a week now. matt bought me ginger tea last night. ( Read more... )

hmm. such strange feelings this entire week. i just want to know. am i or arent i. i would be more concerned if i'm not really. because if i'm not then what is creating all these crazy symptoms. it keeps coming in waves too. one minute i feel fine the next i feel either nausause or weak and light headed. i could sleep forever too. mmm sleep ( Read more... )

last night sucked.
today is sucking.
i'm still riding the waves of last night.
i hate this.
this is stupid.

why is today such a hard day? i'm crazy busy at work. and then all this ( Read more... )

sigh. i just watched the cutest video about jasie's son silas. and you know what it did. it brought up that longing for a child. but i dont want one right now. but who knows what God wants. i keep fighting this fear and control. and boy is it hard ( Read more... )