Comments | hostage_of_hope: Confused... processing.. suggestions welcome and needed.

hostage_of_hope

Confused... processing.. suggestions welcome and needed.

Nov 14, 2013 13:47

I'm really not sure what to do with this, it eats at me. I KNOW that my husband loves me. He's working really hard at understanding whats going on with me, and is my biggest supporter. The thing is, the tv is a huge trigger for me. Here's why..( Read more... )

Comments 7

bookgurrl November 14 2013, 18:59:23 UTC

I don't see why you have to watch TV with him. Why can't you both just do your own things? When my husband comes home I am usually upstairs reading or watching TV and he comes up for a short bit then goes downstairs to do his own thing. We don't have to be together just because we are both home. We are two individuals with different tastes and wants. Why can't you both just do your own thing?

I think something like TV is something as a trigger that should just be avoided then. You don't have face TV. It's not "real life". Your husband should understand that.

hostage_of_hope November 14 2013, 19:09:21 UTC

We really like being together. But I don't like what he wants to do all the time. It's boring and triggering. But I'd like up See him. I wait all day for him to come home. to tali with him. It's frustrating. I feel like I have to make a choice between the two.

bookgurrl November 14 2013, 19:18:53 UTC

I really like being with my husband too. But he wants to play some stupid game on the Playstation and I want to watch something he could care less about on my Tivo. So we hang out together for a little while after he gets home and then we part ways. It doesn't mean we love each other less. We just respect that we have different needs. We spend plenty of other time together going to movies or just talking when he gets home from work before I go upstairs. Maybe you could spend a little time together just talking before the TV goes on and then you could go do your own thing.

hostage_of_hope November 14 2013, 19:40:20 UTC

I'll have to talk with him about this so he doesn't feel personally offended. Some days in fine watching it. Others I'm not at all. Just depends on the day

gi_nterrupted November 15 2013, 00:44:44 UTC

I think this is a really difficult issue. I guess the best way is to put yourself in his shoes, is there anything you do/really enjoy that aggravates him? For example, if he (hypothetically) was irritated because you go to the gym too much and he felt like he wasn't spending enough time with you, what would you do? Would you be able to cut back your hours at the gym or would you find a way to work out together? Not sure if this helps, but I often find it helps me to imagine the situation the other way around.

Perhaps you can earmark a couple days (e.g. tuesday and thursdays) as no TV days. Instead you could read books or play board games or go bowling or some kind of neutral activity? Or put aside an hour each day so you can simply talk without any distractions?

hostage_of_hope November 15 2013, 12:14:48 UTC

Yes, I would be able to cut back my hours, or do something differently. But the thing is, this isn't something that just irritates me. This is something that triggers me into my ED, and this ED is already having health affects on my heart. This has a severe affect on my psyche, and therefore on my physical self as well. This isn't a minor irritant. I want him to be able to do the things that he likes, I want him to have a peaceful environment, and come home to relax. But I also want to be able to relax in my home as well, not being on edge, waiting to prepare mentally for a trigger. I just dont know how to give us both the things we want. I've already suggested a few days to turn off the tv, and he doesn't know what we would "do" since he doesn't like board games or puzzles.

(The comment has been removed)

hostage_of_hope November 15 2013, 12:22:26 UTC

I pretty much feel ill equipped to handle life at this point. I don't want him to give up tv. But I didn't have cable when we met. For years. Then we got cable and now the tv is on for HOURS at night. In his defense, he tries to choose things that he thinks I will like, and is cautious. The shows that we generally watch are New Girl, Mike and Molly, Mom, The Voice. but I'm just not a television person. Which is funny because I would watch movies all the time. But I guess that's a control issue as well. I can screen the movie and see whats in it, and even when the show we are watching is ok, the commercials aren't. And this trigger is the absolute worst. Everytime I have spiraled out of control it can be directly related to that. So, I dont' want him to give up things, but I'm tired of watching tv all the time. I'm tired of feeling guarded, and unable to relax. It sucks. But I know how disappointing it is for him when I go off to do other things. But I guess he will adjust. I can't do it anymore. If I am going to get better I am going ( ... )