learning grace

[hostage_of_hope]

I caved in and weighed yesterday in the afternoon. Which NEVER happens. I did it because my husband switched grocery days and we were going to eat pizza that night, meaning that I would weigh more the following day-weigh in day. So if I weighed then and weighed the next then I would have an idea of what I was. The idea that I could just wait until

Comments

[bookgurrl]

A 19.8 BMI sounds pretty low still. Sure it's in the normal range, but on the low side of normal. Whenever I was in treatment, they always wanted me to be in the 20/21 category for optimal health and brain function. Some studies show that obsessions are lowered at higher BMIs. With a BMI that close to underweight, I'm afraid if you do those insane workouts that you will be underweight and having health issues very quickly. Your body doesn't seem as tolerant as a "chronic" anorexic like me. I don't usually start having problems until my BMI is 15/16. My body is so used to starvation it's insane. 19.8 is definitely NOT big

[hostage_of_hope]

I don't think that I could handle getting any bigger, physically. I am eating a lot. If I'm hungry I'm eating, and trying to listen to my body. IDK. I NEED something exercise wise that gives me that release, that feel good feeling. Its either running, or insanity. Lifting does help, but it helps in a different way. the combo feels good. I know today I am going to need to eat a bigger portion during the day because my husband bought Chinese. But I think if I got bigger it would be full blown relapse. I like that my husband thinks that I look good now. He always liked curvier women. Like, bordering on overweight. So, the fact that he can appreciate my body at a place I can tolerate really does wonders for my mind

[veronica70]

I love this post because you turned it around with positivity. You did not feel positive, and yet, you told yourself you were going to make it a good day and you did! I am proud of you. Most days i try to do the same, but often times i fail. Yesterday was one of those days- and very often this week. Your post helped me tonight... just to kind of re-gather myself, and keep trying to start fresh, regardless. So thank you. I can tell you have a beautiful heart and spirit, and I am so glad I stumbled upon your blog. You see? You make a difference in even strangers lives. You are NEVER replaceable and unimportant. Your kids need you, your husband needs you, and the world needs you!! Also, I could relate very much so, to the hubby coming home excited to see you and being playful, and your ever-changing moods regarding that. I struggle with that too. In fact, my husband is always like that..very fun and playful, and excited, and I am more often just wanting to be left alone, or annoyed. It hurts my heart sometimes. It has nothing to do with

[hostage_of_hope]

Thank you. I'm trying to disconnect myself a little. Not completely where my life doesn't matter, but not let everything overwhelm me so much! I'm glad that I could help you! Your words are an encouragement for the times that I am feeling down on myself.

I often feel like you about my husband, bad that he can't have someone that reciprocates his playfulness. Everytime I let myself do it, I'm so thrilled and forget about all of my baggage. Every time I think, "Why don't I let myself do this?" And it doesn't have anything to do with them, it's us.

I'm glad that blog helped you. I REALLY like her! She's open about it all. like I said, if you have FB she's fit bitch on there. I sort of avoid her on Fridays because she generally has pictures of everyones rocking bodies, and I'm not always in a place where I can appreciate them, they become a trigger. But she's worth it!

[veronica70]

p.s... I read that blog. It was definitely worth the read; thank you!