Big surprise. So, I'm 18. I weigh 147 lbs, which seems so weird to me as I read my other posts. I was so comfortable with myself, for so long. I mean, mostly. I went to Ireland and I biked and hiked and FELT healthy. Now, I'm home and I feel useless. I feel like I have no muscle, just fat and bone. I leave for college in a week, I'm leaving ( Read more... )

 I am so sick of this. I say it all the time. It's always true. NOS. Not Otherwise Specified. I am out of control. Eat eat eat eat eat eat OH SHIT purge purge purge clean up the mess, say Okay, Okay This Was Definitely The Last Time. Or worse, say, That Wasn't So Bad, I Mean, I Know I Shouldn't Throw Up, But At Least I'm Not Going To Gain Weight. ( Read more... )

 146. The numbers are going downnnnn :)

but do I trust them?

I binged and purged like hell yesterday, then got baked and ate a double cheeseburger. Then I came home and was crazy for a while, slept for four hours, and am stiiiilllllll crazy D:

that's all, folks.

147. Thank God. 4 pounds down, maybe 16 to go (haven't decided yet)

ah well.

I don't really know anything anymore.

Yesterday my scale said 148. I'm not going to eat for a while (no set amount of time) and I guess I'll weigh myself for about three days. We have this fucked up electronic scale that really doesn't work at all-- it says my weight ranges from 130 to 151, daily-- and it said I weighed 151. I've been out of thew 150's for so long. I will NEVER go back ( Read more... )

this time, at nearly 150 lbs. Must stop this. When I wake up I will not eat, and I will not be eating until I fit into my fucking jeans again. I will not eat until goddamn it I break 130 lbs and then I will consider eating, but I will still say no and I will goddamn starve until I reach a fucking weight that doesn't make me feel like I should be

I was better, for a moment or two, I think. I ate normally and didn't weigh myself and was able to look in the mirror and say, "damn," with more satisfaction. And that was okay. I actually fit into a size four dress today. I've never done that. I was almost an eight two months ago ( Read more... )

okay. 136.5, which is better because at my last post I was like 140 X_X ( Read more... )

I'm gaining

I know it

I feel it

I hate it.

I need to get back on track. Try harder. Work harder. Do better. This simply wasn't good enough.

I want to slide between the pages of my books and live there.

I'm at 140 ( Read more... )