(Untitled)

[howtokillmyself]

Yesterday I was looking at some nude portraits... first came awe at how beautiful this (admitted) self-conscious woman's body was. How could this be natural? It was just amazing (in a very nonconventional, non-eating disorder way). And then this sense of overwhelming greif... realizing that I had given up any chance of being that person. I will

Comments

[not_my_body]

you can still get that person that you want to be. it will just take a lot of hard work. Its taken me about a year with seeing a dietition & a counciler to reduce me binging. its hard, but it can happen. just have a little faith. i know that it feels like you can never get better, but you really can. its just that your eating disorder doesn't let you see that, but it is there, i promise. but you cant do this on ur own.

it is a strange place for a full lenght mirror to be, i wonder why its even there of all places.

hang in there oks.
xo R.

[howtokillmyself]

There really isn't an option not to do it on my own.. because I'm going into psychology I'm so afraid of admitting my own psychological shortfallings to the world... I can admit them to myself and to some friends, but to have a permanent record of it... I just couldn't stand that. I know it's not uncommon for therapists to see therapists themselves... but I just don't feel comfortable enough to do it. If I were to see a therapist at the school (only place I can get a few sessions free) it would most likely be one of my professors... I couldn't live knowing my professor, who I'd be relying on, knew what a fuck up I am. If they knew, how would that affect my entire degree? They'd think I was entirely unsuitable... sorry, rambling. I have had some help from my boyfriend, but he's in another country right now (which just makes it harder) and no one else knows and no one else can. I can't afford any kind of treatment and I'm scared shitless to anyway... sorry, thank you though.