Just when you think you're past it all, everything comes back and starts all over again ( Read more... )

First of January 2010 ( Read more... )

Wow. It's been two weeks. Guess I've been fine most of the time. Either that or in too bad a shape to write, like yesterday. I don't even remember what happened, just that there was a lot of blood and tears involved... Of course that was all at night so I'm really tired right now. I was hoping to get a good night's sleep but I guess I won't after ( Read more... )

No, I'm not okay!!!
IhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyouIhateyou

( The end )

I just cut myself again... I had to make sure I could still feel: I suddenly felt like every emotion and everything that makes someone human had disappeared and all there was left was an empty shell, a body in which a girl used to live.

I'm afraid to go asleep. I'm afraid of what I'll see when I close my eyes. I'm afraid of myself.

Now, Cinderella, ( Read more... )

I didn't update for almost a week, and it shows.

Yesterday was bad. Yesterday evening at least. It's always the evenings that are bad... At first I could still handle it by writing the bad thoughts away

( Result )

I'm content. I feel peaceful. I didn't even have any fall-backs today. This is the first day in weeks that I've made it through a day without any break-downs. It gives me hope.

I'm going to go to sleep now. Some hours earlier than usual, but I don't want to stay awake and risk breaking down after all. Today was a good day and I'm going to end it ( Read more... )

I feel sad and I feel a bit hopeful, too.

I just realized that even though my escape worlds are really nice, and a big help whenever real life becomes too hard, they're not real. Well, of course I already knew they're not real, but it just hit me that they really just are what they are: fantasy. And no matter how much I want to, I'll never live in ( Read more... )

Feeling... I don't know. Not too bad that I can't handle myself. (Yet?) Today went all right, there were a few moments that could've been triggers, but somehow I ignored them and it wasn't that bad. Though I do know that in a few minutes I'll be lying in bed, in the dark, and will inevitably think about the day, and I might freak out over those ( Read more... )

I feel angry. I feel sad.

I'm angry at myself, because I started hoping, and hoping is never good, because it means that I'm believing the lies. I'm angry at myself because yesterday was supposed to be a good day and then it wasn't. First it was, but then something that shouldn't even have mattered - and it DOESN'T matter, at least it WOULDN'T if I ( Read more... )