This still seems to me a season of transformations.  It occurs to me that I spend more than 90% of my life in between states.  Technically, it must even be more than that.  I have not found my resting place yet.  It hurts, but it has to happen like this.  I am betting that I won't be able to fully appreciate how much living i have done in these ( Read more... )

It took me two days to get into a painting, and I felt a fair bit of anguish at that.  In the end I think I was frightened that I had forgotten how to do it.  I can't think of anything feeling worse than knowing you've fucked a painting up, or that it's too banal or uninteresting.  It's ridiculous, I know, and it sounds like one of those cliched ( Read more... )

I am trying to bitorrent a copy of Handel's Rinaldo, but the torrents are ancient and have not been seeded for some time.  I do not understand how torrenting works.  I only know that it sometimes does work, and I like getting rare recordings and things that I cannot afford on amazon.  I want Rinaldo because "Lascia Ch'io Pianga" is a song that ( Read more... )

Jesus, I just had one of those weird epiphanies... everything is inconsequential!  I hate my existential habits.  I'm either over-thinking shit to the point of implosion, or shielding myself from thought, in a very irresponsible way.  It is too late to call Claire, or I would do so.  When I talk to her, I start caring about stuff again ( Read more... )

House is empty, with silence that is punctuated occasionally by a sound on the street.  It's friday night, Travers weekend in Saratoga.  New Yorkers are visiting the hotels and restaurants.  Now this city is an overflow destination.  If I didn't feel so pathetic- in the house, wearing glasses, sitting with one lamp on- I might go out.  From here, I ( Read more... )

Been running into a lot of people I haven't seen since early in college.  Funny how these patterns happen.  Make small talk, catch up a bit, talk about how my daughter has grown, talk about their weddings...  I have the sense that I am starting to measure up to some weird set of prerequisites for 30 somethings.  I didn't know I cared about it (in ( Read more... )

It's gorgeously rainy and cool today.  I have been wearing long sleeves, and it is surprisingly delightful in the middle of summer.  Everywhere there is a sweet, wet scent.  Reminds me of that summer in high school when I took a figure drawing class at a junior college.  The entire week of the class, it poured.  I couldn't figure out how to dress ( Read more... )

Having soulseek for Mac OSX is the best thing ever, after losing all my music during the great PC crash.  Some truly gracious soul has allowed me to download both Carissa's Weird albums.  That shit is hard to find!!

You know, I should already be aware that it's a mistake to be cocky about bidding on something I really like on Ebay. Namely, the pair of charcoal grey aviator pants I've had my eye on for a week. I was the high bidder when I left for the supermarket. I rushed home and got here just in time to see my high bid topped, at the last possible second ( Read more... )

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