Yes journal I AM BACK. Which means? I'm pissed and depressed and have no one to talk to so i'm gonna spew my vomit here in an attempt to not taste metal YAY! Just when you think the medicine is working and life is going good and things are going to plan BOOM i'm still a fucking douche who doesnt know when to shut his fucking mouth and just shits ( Read more... )

I look up at the cloud painted ceiling of my bedroom.  Framed in blackened walls, I have only one thought.  Am I going to be make it, just make it?  I've been trying to understand myself.  Am I the problem with relationships that I have?  Each 16 ounce beer washes a thought away.  I need to make a break from my mind.  I should get away from myself ( Read more... )

fuck people

So there I am standing on the porch.  I had just read a story a friend had wrote.  I pick up a cigarette butt and light it.  Then suddenly I can picture myself standing in the church of my teen years.  A catholic church.  And Beethoven's Ode to Joy is playing. And I'm standing there arms stretched out, in mocking fashion, head tilted to the side ( Read more... )

It shouldn't  but it does.  I really felt like I tried.  So did she.  Neither of us thought the other was trying.  We shared a lot of feelings tonight.  We shared too late.  I haven't felt this alone in a long time.  I tried calling what is supposed to be my best friend. He texted back saying it wasn't a good time.  I have nothing to look forward ( Read more... )

this weekend was...long and trying.  wrote a story played a game felt bitchslapped wanted to drink and didnt so thats good right? sick too ( Read more... )

Back..hurts..need new job....
So bored.
Dont want to drink on a workday.

Im out.

I have screwed up once again.  At least I think I have...pretty sure anyways.  My best friend in life is questioning my motives.  For reasons I can't really or have the time to explain, his questioning makes me angry.  He is a little bit of a hypocrit.  Then again I'm not exactly sure how I'd feel on the opposite side ( Read more... )

Today was muggy.  Pleasant but muggy.  Most of it passed without much ado.  It was in the last few hours before this post that there was anything of interest.  Of course that is a bit of a lie.  The first interesting thing that has come to pass was after the last post.  I went back and looked at my old posts.  My rants.  My "confessions."  My ( Read more... )

It has been a long time indeed.  I'm not sure why I came back here other than my life is a bit turbulent at the moment ( Read more... )