i get scared, i want to curl up in a ball. i wonder how the bills will get paid, and i wonder how and when i'll transition. i wonder how the bills will get paid if liz has almost 2 weeks off of work? maybe she can ask for some more hours..and we can put money away. i hate cramps..its a constant physical pain that reminds every 2.5 seconds that i'm ( Read more... )

it's buried deep inside, but making me act strangly. i never wanted to scream or yell, i never wanted to get irritable or cry. its eating away at me. sometimes i'm afraid it will eat me alive. i'll dissolve into nothing and that will just hurt you more. a lot of the time i think i'm taking on more than i can handle emotionally. even though nobody ( Read more... )

its low carb diet time again. i'm sick of being fat. and since i lost almost 45 lbs last time i did this, perhaps it will work. as we speak..i am eating tuna on low carb bread with a hunk of cheddar cheese and diet ginger ale. yum. i packed a salad and some cheese for lunch. oooo and sugar free jello for desert. yah..so i may get cranky at times.. ( Read more... )

i wuv my squishy...

i don't know what it is. maybe i never will, but all i know is i love her with all of my heart. with every inch of my being...she understands me more than anyone. we have the best conversations....the best love making. the way her body feels against mine...the way we want the same things. these words...arent ...enough. i'm not getting it out the ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

even if the stars fell from the sky ( Read more... )

i'm irritable, anxious, and depressed. i'm lost..theres a void, an emptiness. that only she can fill. maybe working will get my mind off of whatever this is........but its doubtful.

why is this happening. i thought everything was perfect. i just want to lay in her arms...tell her i love her..kiss her cheek. but she doesnt seem to want that, she doesnt seem to want me..it's okay though, i'll sit here and wait. i don't care if it takes forever. but for now i just want to cry.

i can't hear you talking
your words take away my breath
and i want to breath.

inhaling your starry dust,
i've fallen to the ground
sinking beneath my soul.

i reach up for you,
and you let me slip back down
i spiral into nothing

when i think its the end,
your gaze raises my life
back from the ground, you comfort me.