From this point on my livejournal will be friends only. So get an effin' livejournal and then we can become friends and then you can read this. Peace. xoxo.

Well, I made it back to Guelph. I avoided it as long as I could, but I had to come back and face reality at some point. I came back to some pretty good phone messages, so that was at least a good start. I talked to Niki for awhile and found out that (surprise!) Kris lied to me yet again. I talked to him on Friday and he told me that he had been ( Read more... )

Last night was really a lot of fun. I had such a good time and I have my amazing friends to thank for it. I can't believe how lucky I am to have friends like I do and I am ridiculous to have thought I was ever alone in this. This week I have really discovered who the important people in my life are and I can't thank them enough for being a part of ( Read more... )

Being at my parents has allowed me a lot of time to think and try to figure some things out. I thought that talking to Kris yesterday would allow me to share some of the these things, but it only made things worse. He treats me so horribly, as if I am a pesky reminder of something he doesn't want to remember. He apologizes for what he's done, but ( Read more... )

Why would I have ever thought that just this one time things would work out the way I wanted them to? After everything he's done to me, this shouldn't be a surprise.

I thought that being here at my parents was going to be easier on me. I thought that I wouldn't be tempted to pick up the phone to call him. To scream, to cry, to try and talk some sense into him. I thought that I would be preoccupied and have the solitude necessary to find my focus and heal my heart. That isn't happening though ( Read more... )

The sadness and anger seem to have slipped away and have been replaced by a hallow feeling of emptiness and every now and then, a jabbing pain in the pit of my stomach and across my heart. I am so confused and frustrated - how can this be happening to me? I feel so used and degraded. How could I sleep with someone who would only sleep with someone ( Read more... )

The pain I am feeling is indescribable. I can't even put it into words. I just hurt.

Kris and I were together in Cuba. The first couple of times, I will admit, was just drunken sex and I felt really bad about that. Then it became more than that and we had a really amazing time together. Sex was happening when we were sober, we were holding hands, staring longingly...all those "couple" things. On the flight home I asked him if we ( Read more... )

I went to Cuba and made it home alive. That's about all I can say for now.