I stayed up til 2am last night, which was intentional, but more and more lately, when I stay up late, I end up feeling like it's bad for me. I will sleep into the day to get enough rest, and then I inevitably play around on my phone for an hour or two before getting out of bed, and by that time, it's around noon. I'll feel like I have less free ( Read more... )

The first acquaintance I made with my new neighborhood was in the dark. Heidi had quit in the fall and they were putting me on more and more of her opening shifts until I moved, and, like a switch had clicked, my schedule was all openings. This meant I had to be at work at 6am. The uncertain timing of my new walk meant I wanted to give myself ( Read more... )

It's late at night. My eyes are sleepy. We just finished watching Titanic; Georgia, Ezra, Paige, and I. We've been anticipating watching the movie together for about six months but only now got around to it because Georgia got it on VHS, which was important to her. And with the submarine implosion two weeks ago, she finally got the idea for what ( Read more... )

In my first30th birthday post a little back, I was upset and angry and wrote some unkind things that, truly, I wouldn't want read by the subjects of the post...but I don't take it back.

Paige pointed out that she's seen a pattern in me. She calls it the "compare/despair" mindset. It's not just that I'm being unkind in judging what others want and ( Read more... )

I haven't been using lj as regularly as I used to, but I do rely upon it heavily as a place to type out my thoughts, spooling them like strands of cotton candy from the cyclone of feelings in the sticky aluminum barrel that is my head, so I'm going to try to post here more regularly, even if it's inane details, even if it's three-sentence-updates. ( Read more... )

I get so sad when I think about Georgia's attitude toward her thirtieth birthday. It was a few years ago, and she said the only thing she really wanted was to see a giant wheel of cheese get cut into for the first time. It didn't even happen. The opportunity didn't arise until last year when she happened to step in, and happened to ask, or overhear ( Read more... )

Summer 2022

There's a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses, sun-faded to cream and an empty gauze bag printed with gold moons and stars discarded. There's a felt patch with the Red Sox logo--but it's unlike any logo you've seen in this decade or the last two. A candle in an amber glass, watermelon lip gloss, and a dried-out rose. Tarot cards and ( Read more... )

Something I've been thinking about a little, lately is the song Young Turks by Rod Stewart. In the same vein are the songs Love at the Five and Dime by Nanci Griffith and Jack & Diane by John Mellencamp and Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi. You could even include You Never Can Tell by Chuck Berry, which I hold is the song about New Orleans that Billy ( Read more... )

Right after 6:30 Paige texted me to say she was in the E.R.

Her tone was calm, she indicated that she was stable, that a doctor had already seen her. I can't remember what parts of the story she told me, then, but she didn't tell me all of it. Basically that she had accidentally eaten something with pine nuts and Katie and her friend Katrina had ( Read more... )

-My mom texted me last night to ask to hang out today after work. We haven't hung out since my birthday a month ago; a fact I was taking some pride in because I like running away and being distant.

-Also because I haven't wanted to put in effort to see my family

-Also because I don't quite understand them like I used to

-Something happened over ( Read more... )