I have a problem. I think I want something significant, like a connection, to the exteent that I will actually settle way too quickly. Right now, my big confusion is, believe it or not, Johnny Mckenzie. I guess....I always thought that if I wanted more from him I could just have it...and Ic an't. Like, I waited too long...I didn't take ( Read more... )

Just thought I'd stop by and drop off some mental baggage. So. Life is actually really good for the most part. I have my concerns about the near future...court dates and what not. I got z DWI, and apparently they treat DWI's as if you had actually murdered caucasion baby. Awesome. Beides that, the current situation is awesome. Work is good. ( Read more... )

So, things are technically ok. I'm working a lot, and joey's got a little job too. But. But. I have strange carnal needs that I can't seem to fulfill. It's kind of killing me. I'm boooored with my life. I want to do drugs and have sex with someone I'm not committed to. I miss the newness. I miss seeing myself through the eyes of some well built man ( Read more... )

thoughts that cloud,
confuse,
distort the very reality you've created

a mind's eye blinded-
no serenity in the dark,
silent, hollow
that once held something
visceral, tangible

slippery fingers
grasping at smoke
knuckles bruised
from the fight you didn't fight

fear grips,
as shame settles in
no words to be spoken

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm here to whine some more. I just feel like there's no one to listent o MY woes. Joey has been doing pretty much nothng but brooding and venting at me lately. So, I spend most of my time trying to shrug off the worries he's already placed on me. Him and Dad aren't getting along. Joey gets frustrated because dad bitches ALL ( Read more... )

Last night me and Joey got into a terrible fight. He was drunk, and I woke him up to ask him to turn the t.v. off, because he had the remote on his side somewhere and it was dark, and he yelled at me and cussed me out and it was really horrible. It hurt a lot, but it made me have to think about what I would do if I lost him. I'm quite close to ( Read more... )

I have had the longest, most painful weekedn of my life. Man, I just want to get back to normal again at some point. After everything with Racheal and the home invasion my life has been thrown into some oblivion. I feel like I don't hae a home, although of course I have supports and places to go. Me and Joey were doing great, but then I decided ( Read more... )

So, no regrets, aye? Nooo regrets. Johnny is awesome, and super hot. I maybe should have married him. Joey is freaking out a lot lately. His anger is back and it hasn't changed, but it's not like, DIRECTED at me...in a violent way. But he gets upset and frustrated way too easily. I think I see things coming to an end. Funny, the more someone ( Read more... )

For the first time, in a long time, I've just noticed that my life is amazing. I'm so thankful for so many things! I managed to let go of some things that were keeping me from being happy, and I managed to find someone who makes me feel beautiful and amazing and makes my life worth living everyday. All of my post here in the past have been of a ( Read more... )

I've been crying since last night. Joey got loaded and treated me like shit all night. Still, no apology. Not that it would matter if he said, he wouldn't mean it, but the least you can do is fucking fake it. He's had me crying since last night until this moment, which is the next day AND I'm at work. I'm so hurt. I think his insecurities have ( Read more... )