I couldn't decide if I wanted to name this story "Nothing Feels Better Than Surviving" or "Don't shoot at things you don't understand, doc." - which for me was the line. But it might not have the same impact on my readers. Anyway, there's a short conclusion to this story, which I didn't like so I omitted it from the story itself, but here it is anyway
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I think "Nothing Feels Better Than Surviving" says too much. You don't have to tell your reader everything for him/her to understand. Make them use their brains a little ( :
PS, I added you. Don't do a whole lot with my own journal, but I read my friends' page religiously
this is very different from your usual style. i really enjoyed it because it was something orchestrated completely by your imagination which is pretty impressive. the imagery and diologue is vivid/engaging and the many tidbits of facts shows you did some reading. i really like the historical context its placed in, and the very close first hand perspective you provide the reader. very good character developement. you played off making the two people sound like two very different individuals very well, it makes it much more realistic and interesting
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"Don't shoot at things you don't understand, doc." - which for me was the line. But it might not have the same impact on my readers. Anyway, there's a short conclusion to this story, which I didn't like so I omitted it from the story itself, but here it is anyway ( ... )
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PS, I added you. Don't do a whole lot with my own journal, but I read my friends' page religiously
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Bravo.
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