I miss waking up with the feeling of looking forward to a new day and fall asleep without having so much thoughts in my head. I wish I could sleep for a while, take a break from life until I can look towards days with a happier disposition. Right now I'm exhausted, I'm always lost in thought and every single smile seems forced. I'm tired.

My friend had our group take personality tests and I ended up as type 9. Type 9 in most simple terms:

Mr. / Ms. Easygoing
The Need to Go With the Flow and Merge (& Avoid Conflict)
Nines can also be peaceful, patient, apathetic, ineffectual, good-natured, likable. oblivious. disorderly, self-effacing, supportive, neglectful, passive-aggressive, kind, ( Read more... )

I've been told that I was stressed for almost more than a couple of weeks. Honestly, I was surprised about it all. I mean I didn't really realize I was stressed. Sadness was the all the more obvious choice for me. I am sad. I know. Lately I've been waking up to anxiety attacks every time I wake up, may it be a nap or sleep. It disappeared already ( Read more... )

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do
It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises; I'll hide all the damage that's ( Read more... )

Scenario 1: I get caught talking with her while we were smoking some Shisha

Best friend: Oooh. I thought you broke up?
Me: Mm, yeah we did.
Best friend: Eh? Why're you still talking?
Me: We talk everyday.
Best friend: Wow. Doesn't that hurt?
Me: Yeah it does but, *shrugs* she's my best friend.
Others: Eh??? You should stop! Why're you like that!
Me: Mmm, ( Read more... )

The insecurities are back. It's slowly seeping in. I was better then but I think I'm turning back to how I was then. Sighs ( Read more... )

Comparing and comparing. Insult after insult. Being the joke over and over. Being called fat over and over. Let me just curl up in my insecurities. Thank you dear family members. Tsk.

I think I'm not going to be serious with love anytime soon. I think I'm going to go and play around first until I know that the other won't walk away from me and hurt me.

The awkward moment when your ex-boyfriend wants to get close and somewhat hints of flirting and getting close again.

It's weird. I have so much in my head yet I find that there's nothing to write. Today sucks. Everything's just hurting again. I'm so fucking tired. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't like getting hurt but I always end up hurt. Even working hard or giving it your all doesn't even cut it. Just really, fuck this life. I don't want it