ahhhhhhhhh!

it's never me.  its never, never me.  boys never ever want me.  and all the supportive words from people who care about me just wont help.  i feel so stupid.  for even thinking maybe i had a chance with him.  that maybe he could be the one who would want me.  i feel used.  i tried so hard to flirt with him and send good vibes his way, ( Read more... )

whenever i get a crush on a guy, and especially when it seems to be reciprocated, my self confidence plummets.  i feel like i dont deserve the attention, and once he really gets to know me, he'll lose interest.  thus, i am feeling bummed lately, while simultaneously feeling very giddy.  i'm supercritical of myself.  i hate this feeling...  ( Read more... )

i do not like being ditched.  and i dont like swallowing my pride and IMing said person, and being ignored.

i'm trying not to be pissed, but i am.

aaargh.

off to get drunk, i guess.  :-/

i got my lip (re)pierced tonight.

it looks hot.  Kristen came w/ me and held my hand.  yay kristen!
pictures to come.

:-t   (thats my lip with a ring in it)

this is so hard.  i miss him, fuck i miss him ( Read more... )

i will not let myself get hurt again.  i will not let him into my world.  its just not going to happen.

:(

i keep dreaming that i'm making out with guys i know.  even guys i have NO interest in making out with.

i cant find my textbook.

last night was my first night in eco.  i couldnt fall asleep for 2 hours, then i had a really bad dream about being killed by evil people.  me and ben were running from them for hours, it seemed. not sure why he was in the dream.  i guess he's been in my life a lot lately, so he was on my mind.  i am so terribly loyal to him, its ridiculous.  even ( Read more... )

smoked a joint on the porch w/ ben.  a good time was had.

i started moving my sht back into eco.  doing more tomorrow.

back in ithaca, i am definitely suffering whiplash from the accident.  my back really hurts.  my car is still on the island, i got a rental for the week while my car is being dismantled and taken care of ( Read more... )