i'm trying so hard not to be depressed, but maybe these days are meant to be broken. maybe i just have to wait until something happens or maybe there's something that needs to be forgotten. but there's nothing else now, and it's nothing no matter how pretentious it sounds. i had so beautiful dreams last night and in the morning i knew i could ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

yesterday hymnsand i skipped the last lesson because i wanted to finish yesterday hymns. it feels a bit unfinished but i wanted to put it online today, for some reason i don't know so well ( Read more... )

when i woke up, there was that feeling, that something terrible will happen soon. i have that feeling in my dreams always, no matter what i'm dreaming of. maybe i didn't really wake up yet, i wish. i had a dream that no-one really cared. such a sad dream. and i don't know what i could do today. i don't know. maybe i have done something terribly ( Read more... )

last night was sad. i woke up in the middle of the night and i felt terrified. i was afraid to close my eye, i felt disconnected and i went to my room. i sat on my bed for a while, and then i laid down on my floor. i stayed there, trying to find that missing link, trying to decide if it's missing, trying to fall asleep ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

and t e a r s follow today i'm in some kind of circles, around and around, up and down. and somehow i really enjoy it. because i know it's me who makes those traps and it's me who finds the right doors, and it's me who can decide. but my mind is blank and i couldn't sleep well, and i'm tired. so i guess it's all just something i made ( Read more... )

today i've been thinking of everything i could do, and at the same time it makes me desperately happy and desperate in so many ways. all those people i could meet, all those places i could see, everything. and no matter how i'm trying to describe it will end up sounding terribly banal somehow. so i guess it's better not to describe it this time, i' ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

lately i've been sleeping on our living room floor. it feels like camping and i love it. there's a mattress, and a blanket and a pillow and at night i can wake up and watch tv ( though i dislike watching tv ) or open the curtains and watch the night outside, and those black trees, and our christmas lights going around in our balcony. i can't really ( Read more... )