dailydivadrawing ( Read more... )

I've come to the conclusion that conducting is a great exercize in being fully present. not sure why I haven't thought of it like that before.
I'm excited about the concert. As it always happens things are starting to come together (at least that's what it feels like from here) and that's got me excited to no end.

it's one in the morning. I'm sitting here waiting for my dinner to finish cooking. I think I've reached the point where normally I would throw my hands up and say "it can't be done" and walk away. Obviously I can't do that. Don't take it the wrong way, I blame no one but myself for the way I feel right now. There have been a lot of "if only I had ( Read more... )

so big suprise I'm depressed. There's so much that's going to happen. So much that I want to happen that won't. In two months I'll leave hilo for what feels like forever. I don't want to go. I don't want to go back. Don't want to lose myself again. I mean what the hell am I going to do when I move back. I still want to apply to grad school but I'm ( Read more... )

so why am I still home? I think I'm just scared. Scared that I only have less than three months to the recital. scared that at the end of four months I'm moving back to L A, and God knows when I'll ever be back here. Scared that I won't be able to pull any of this off. That things are going too well. I'm scared that the second I get on the plane ( Read more... )

I stayed home today. Wasn't feeling well this morning and today felt like a day to just stop, so I did. I'm not saying it was the best choice but it's too late to worry about that now. I had a weird set of dreams last night that have me wondering about moving back, and about where I'm placing my values. I'm wondering about what I want, what my ( Read more... )

I think one of the things that worried me about tonight's rehearsal was that I would never want to do this again. That this would confirm my worst fear and turn me off of choral singing for good. Well it didn't. If anything I can't wait for next week. I have a lot to work on between now and then, but at least now I know what I need to do ( Read more... )

So alot has happened in the last couple of days... I have 3 basses. yay! The people from the food basket are incredible. Their excitement for this recital made me unbelievably excited. I didn't realize the scope of what the food basket does on this island. One of the statistics they gave us just floored me. 1 in 3 children will have lunch at ( Read more... )

So Today was the first day of classes. It's never much fun but I did realize something today. It was in University Chorus oddly enough. We were given three pieces and we dove right in. It was SATB, and in an african language. Now this isn't something that I would have chosen for a group of people with little to no choir experience. It's not ( Read more... )

I'm tired. I know that my happiness does not rely on anyone else but me. I know that there's something/someone better out there. But that doesn't mean I don't miss him. I was doing great till about an hour ago. Now, just being tired... I dunno, it's not a good feeling. I don't know what to do. I want to get rid of this lonely feeling. Trouble is ( Read more... )