will someone PLEASE remove and destroy the tiny life parasite that seems to be sucking me physically and emotionally dry?

the thought of starting my career makes me want to cry and puke and never grow up.

it's not the end of the world, I had to let go. opposites don't always attract. there's so much for me to learn. I need out of pennsylvania.

what i do to pass the time,

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the thought of how my life might change once i move back to philadelphia keeps my mind awake all through the night, that plus heidi bouncing off the walls til four in the morning.

may 19th, i hope i don't regret this.

"You'll be happier by focusing on what you have in the present moment and detaching from old expectations."
that sounds simple, but my old expectations are what keep me comfortably unstable. i'll just have to try harder.

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life turns into such a downcast with you constantly prying into it -- even with me being three hundred and twenty miles away, you're closer than ever. i've let go a long time ago, whyyyyyyyy can't you?


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chances are I will never become fully comfortable in this body or image. no amount of exercise, tattoos, or compliments will ever change that. hopefully, I'm wrong.