i'm being lurked.

For some reason...I guess i know the reason...every day seems wonderful. Even though I have to go to work.

second interview was today. it went very well, and i'm hopeful. i seriously hope i get it. if i don't i will probably cry, but i will take it as meaning i should be doing pottery, or something like that. i've been hiking my ass off, and running daily. but i gained weight since i've been here, i have no idea why. i'm eating better than i ever have. ( Read more... )

hey guys i'm in eugene. i haven't shaved in a long time, i've been hiking. my hair is long. suddenly i want dreads and lesbians and recycling containers. haha i guess i've always wanted those things huh? still have no friends, just a bunch of dudes lookin at me who won't say hi. i did talk to a high school kid yesterda,and the allan brothers coffe ( Read more... )

making onigiri and ramen, and some sort of thai dessert. sparks. watched brokeback mountain, azumanga daioh. slept a lot. weather is very chilly. found some of my long missing cds and that makes me so excited. going to san francisco-china town tomorrow. san fran or tahoe for 4th. don't know yet ( Read more... )

i feel like shit. and like i can't trust anyone. not paranoid, but a little fucked up. i don't know why or where it's coming from, i can't remember anything that's devastated me lately in that way. i'm leaving very soon, and for some reason i now have no desire to see anyone. i called off the family dinner. i no longer want any kind of 'gathering' ( Read more... )

for some reason all my entries are dated incorrectly. like saying july and shit. so i posted an entry yesterday and didn't realize until today that it popped up a few entries down. so go read it there. i was in montpelier. fuckin shit.

if i take a quick shower i can go back to sleep for 20 minutes.

when i get angry i can not rationalize. i go so far as to visualize and plan harming people. i have always done so. when i am hurting or sad i can not rationalize getting out of bed or eating or reading or doing anything at all. i would really like to think moving is going to change all of this. but your problems follow you wherever you go, i know ( Read more... )

why does everything have to hurt so bad