Pushing myself back away from the computer, I lean my head back, staring blankly upwards. This will hurt. It doesn't because I don't want it to, but it will have to sooner or later. I don't mind. Sometimes bad things have to happen.

How can someone quest their whole life for one thing? Letting one thing consume them to the point, and sometimes past the point of reason. Maybe it's a willingness to fail utterly, to lose everything set against the idea of getting the thing that haunts their dreams, occupies their every thought. Is this love? Or a frenzied single-minded lust? I'm ( Read more... )

Days pass, the waves come and go. Already feeling better, except for a slight spot of guilt for... feeling better. I'm just too exuberant a person to let myself wallow in self-invoked depression. Sometimes shit doesn't work out. This is one of the things I wished had. But all the wishing in the world isn't gonna change anything, so why pretend it ( Read more... )

as my first thought is about her. Then I remember. Smile gone. This is the worst part of my day. Having to remember again. Some days it hurts more, some less. Today was not a "less" day.

But it looks like I will. A drowning swimmer out at sea, miles from land, occasionally submerging himself to save his energy, to delay the inevitable, delay the sea from swallowing him up because someone will rescue him, even though he knows no one is coming. Taking a step, I close my eyes and I feel the sorrow hit, bitter and sharp. I feel the ( Read more... )

Screaming at the window ( Read more... )

Welllll. Dumped again. Not letting it hurt so much this time. Maybe when I have more time I'll explain it all.

Long time. Life has changed a lot, and yet I haven't moved an inch. Haven't had the passion or the inclination to write. I've been fufilled. That changed a few days ago, when Caryn left to South Africa. My main creative outlet gone, I fall back on the old favorites. This is also the time I'm most susceptible to Tool, when it feels like every ( Read more... )

I'm just sitting here, waiting for the few hours I have left before I leave. I'm going over all the things that have ever gone wrong and praying to God this won't be one of them. The love of my life is asleep 15 feet away, unreachable, and I've been holding her all day, hoping that maybe I can drive this out of my head. In a few hours I'll be 8,000 ( Read more... )

almost time to leave *sigh* Leaving Thursday mornning at 12. It's now monday 9 AM. why does it feel like it's already time to go????