I have the worst muse ever.
I've been writing lately.
so here it is.
just getting it out there.

Spider.

One loose end tied up
and another ripped wide open.
The nature of which
I can't seem to grasp or handle.
My stomach is sick and shaking
in part because of the booze
and in part because of you.
It simply wouldn't work.
It simply won't work.
Those ( Read more... )

It really does a lot.
to your heart
when your mother calls you fat.
multiple times.
tells me I need to work out.
sorry.
destroyed cartilage in my knee.
can't really work out.
' I should just get rid of your gym membership because you never use it'
sorry.
I can barely walk up stairs.
like I don't have issues with my weight already.

went to milwaukee for the ( Read more... )

I love my big girl job.
But,
my body doesn't seem to be adjusting all that well.
I'm sick,
exhausted,
feeling things I've never felt before
and reacting viciously every time my blood sugar drops.
And I have a really bad knee situation.
I may not be able to dance bare bones next year
seeing as I can barely walk right now.
and I feel guilty taking an afternoon ( Read more... )

I had an amazing night tonight.
and I simply did nothing more
then helping 2 friends in need
and spending time with people I really care about.

God I love people.
and taking care of my friends.

Good night.

A weekend up north.
I'm thrilled.
xo.

The beginning of my new job.
Yesterday I felt like a moron
and was a little bored
ok a lot.
today went well though.
I took the bus all by myself.
Did stuff all day.
went to my first meeting.
I really enjoyed doing the stuff I did today.
I hope I stay with this company
definitely for the summer
hopefully for a job when I graduate.
I really want them to like ( Read more... )

Well.
Here we are.
end of another year.

I've definitely had some very rough times.
I have an existential train of thought
that likes to come through the station on a regular basis.
thats a pretty significant hinderance on my forward motion.

but.
regardless of how hard this year has been
I feel really good about everything. 
for the most part.
I'm happy with ( Read more... )

People,
be good to one another.
we are all human.

Erase the hate.

it scares me how well I can negate everything.
and argue a different point.
how easy I can see both sides.
and typically pick the easiest
(not always the best)
choice.

it scares me how easily I can justify things.
and not do what I planned on doing.
and not do what I have to do.
just because I want to do something else more appealing.

that makes me human 
but ( Read more... )

I am in a constant state of wonder.
of contemplation.
if I make such and such a decision
will it lead me where I want to go?
If I were to do this 
how drastically would it change my life?

yes normal people have these thoughts
but there is always so much going on in my head
I can't bring it down enough to focus.

I always wonder how different my life would be
( Read more... )

 Basically,
this weekends been a blast.
but bars definitely didn't live up to all the hype.
maybe its because I was with my parents...
maybe I went to bars that weren't my style...
maybe its because I was super exhausted...
but I was slightly disappointed.

its been basically a weekend of being exhausted.
drinking a good amount of drinks
and not getting ( Read more... )