I have a fantastic scheme involving hedge funds. Too bad I will never be able to do it since I don't have the capital to start one. Damn me being poor.

I have some denistry work that needs to be done. I haven't had dental insurance since I was about 15. Shortly after that I went through a struggle with clinical depression. In struggling with clinical depression you really lose the will to live. Along with losing the will to live you lose the will to take care of yourself in any way. Including ( Read more... )

I have been dreaming about all of my friends that I haven't seen in a while lately. It has been really strange and depressing ( Read more... )

I woke up early today and could not go back to sleep. So I flip to comedy central just in time to see the beginning of Dane Cook's ISolated INcident. Normally I would change the channel but decided to watch it and give it a chance ( Read more... )

My friends may be doing stuff with their life and working jobs that they may be able to advance in while I work 3rd shift at a dead end security job but at least I get to fuck around on a golf cart while listening to the gin blossoms when no one is here. You have no idea how nice it feels when the cool wind hits your face and you are listening to ( Read more... )

Bitch, why do you think I don't want to talk to you? You cheated on me with three different people! When you weren't off fucking some random guy you were trying to pressure me into marriage and babies. What kind of sense does that make ( Read more... )

I am not going to bother to go in to this long narrative stating that I am not a racist because I really, genuinely don't care what you believe either way. With that being said, I sometimes feel the term "racist" is thrown around a bit loosely. A racist person is an odious, audacious, and just plain out terrible person. This leads me to believe ( Read more... )

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This stuff normally bothers me but I just thought that this was hilarious.

Really behind on joke of the day stuff. Let me explain. It isn't that I haven't been writing, to the contrary, I have written a lot lately. But the problem with a joke a day is that I don't necessarily write "jokes". I typically write longer bits. These longer bits usually rely heavily on delivery. It makes it difficult to write these down and ( Read more... )

My girlfriend and I are afraid she might conceive. To avoid this we use birth control. Yep… an abortion every morning.

Weak'd!