Answers

[jadedcontrition]

It has been said insanity can be defined by doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. If this is truly the case, then we both must be stark raving mad.

Countless times you have demanded that I provide some sort of explanation for my recent behavior, but how can I put into words what I cannot fully comprehend myself

Comments

[lockeddreams]

My mind may well be much younger than yours, but if I can offer some morsel of clarity then I shall. What you then do with that is entirely your choice, of course.

Our emotions tend to be nothing if not honest. While the mind, with its weight of cultural data, tells us we should feel a certain way, our emotions tell us how we really feel. Maybe you should listen more closely to your own emotions, and trust in their inherent truth? This is only a suggestion, naturally.

[jadedcontrition]

Thank you for your suggestions. It's been a struggle to make sense of my thoughts recently.

You do make it sound so simple and reasonable, chérie, but was it not Baruch Spinoza who once said "When a man is prey to his emotions, he is not his own master."? I feel that self-control and emotion rarely go hand in hand.

[inbetweenshades]

Your words make sense to me Louis, and I wish I had some to offer you some comfort, but, alas, I do not.

In human psychology, your relationship with Lestat would best be described as extremely co-dependant, and therapy would be strongly recommended.

But does that apply in your situation?
I really cannot say.

I do hope that all of this aside, you are well.

H.

[jadedcontrition]

Fascinating. I just did some reading on the subject of Co-Dependency in relationships and found the following list of characteristics

[inbetweenshades]

I thought you might.

I don't know that a mortal therapist could give you both any usable advice.
Perhaps it's time for an immortal to get a degree in psychology. I'm sure the two of you aren't the only ones who could benefit from it.

I do hope you manage to work through this, and I have no doubt that you will.
Hopefully without too many fires.

Happy Holidays and much love.
H.

[beautesauvage13]

Now that makes sense.  Hopefully Lestat reads it and it makes sense to him too.

I am fairly certain he has had the same fear in the past while looking upon the statues that were Akasha and Enkil all those eons ago.  So he should understand.

I unfortunately can offer no solice to you as I do not know if it is the fate of all vampires to become living statues or how long before it happens or if it happens to all eventually.  I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to have lived over 100 yrs let alone over 1000 yrs or more.  Most humans don't make it past 100.  Some do but most do not.  To see people pass by. To see ideas, philosophies ect pass with the times..It must indeed be overwhelming and maddening.  I get why you need him around and I understand that the prospect of him leaving frightens you.

Hopefully the two of you can come to some sort of understanding of each other.

Athena

[jadedcontrition]

I can't say for certain that my words here made any sense to him, but he is making an effort to understand me and I do very much appreciate that.

No one really knows what will happen to those of us who survive the millennia. The fate of Akasha and Enkil may not be that of us all, as there are others their age who still walk the earth. Change is difficult for many of us as we still desire for life to be as it was in the very prime of our mortal lives. The world turns so rapidly now that it's dizzying. We can't come to terms with a new reality because it alters in the blink of an eye and becomes something completely alien once again. Lestat seems better equipped to cope with such things than many of us.

Thank you for your understanding, Athena.

[seraph_tenshi]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxOs4go-HAk

[jadedcontrition]

That is a beautiful song, chérie, but may I ask why you've selected it in response to my words? The lyrics seem to indicate that truth is the most important gift that one can give to another.

[seraph_tenshi]

You are right. And that answers your question.
My darling, what you wanted to achieve with this post is that Lestat knows the truth. No matter if he understand it or not.
That you are jealous is more as just obvious. But you never really admit it. Now you have, even openly, and, seriously, my deepest respect. I don´t know if I could do that.

If I may ask, what answer have my Louis expect from me? That I give you a psychological profile and advice? ^^ There is no need for that. Besides, you can only find a solution by yourself anyway.
My answer - in a more artistic way - is just "I understand you and be sure, you did good." Now something new can begin and let's see what happens next. <3

[jadedcontrition]

Jealousy is a human emotion which I do not experience. What I openly expressed here was my fear of losing him.

No, I don't expect psychological advice from anyone and I appreciate the simplicity of your response.

[sr_kalika]

Well finally, I was kind of wondering if you would put something up. I’m glad you did and I don’t think my words are going to mean much but hopefully

It kind of reminds me a bit like depression and anxiety. Sometimes you need that one reassurance because it gets to be too much. And recently with the Nicki situation that’s been stressful I imagine not only for Lestat but definitely for you.

I don’t think Lestat would leave permanently. He needs you as much as you need him and there is a history that no body elsebht you two will understand.

The damage is already done and I think it’s safe to say that now is the time for healing what ever that means for you and him. I personally think another move would be good.

[sr_kalika]

I also wanted to point out something. A quarter of a century is still a great case of endurance. You are strong for getting by this long and I do think you’d be a able to get by longer still.

[jadedcontrition]

Your thoughts are always important, Kalika. I appreciate you taking the time to share them here.

I do find it fascinating that many who have commented here compare my present state of mind to a particular human psychological disorder when I am so far removed from my humanity that I barely remember what it felt like. Lestat feels that we share a similar psychology with mortals. Do you believe this to be true as well? Do you think that the concerns I have raised here can be attributed to depression and anxiety or even co-dependency? It is not my intention to belittle these conditions, but I feel things must be far more complex for our kind, given the amount of time that we have had.

When you suggest a move are you referring to a new beginning somewhere else?

[sr_kalika]

I find it somewhat true. It really only sounded like some of the symptoms but in reality I think that whatever mortals feel it’s on another and possible evolved level with immortals that’s been well established in the past. The basics are still there.

I meant in a literal sense. It sounded like there has been a lot of tension over the past six months and it would be good to just be able to breathe for a moment.