Its funny when someone who is as anti children as I am wakes up and thinks "I want a baby, and I want it now." Someone get me a drink and a slap in the face. Am I going to have to fight my biological clock forver?

Why does life have to suck SO bad? I keep thinking the next day is going to be better. I just can't handle it.

I just want the pain to go away!

Hopefully this gets easier. I survived this time. I am sooo out of shape. I can't tell if it is the weight that makes it hard, or is it the pain in my joints. Ultimatly it is the weight that is putting more weight on my joints I know...It's time.

I want to move. I want to live in Missoula, Montana or Nampa, Idaho. One way or another I will eventually get out of here.

I need a vacation. Even if it is just a little get away. I kind of just want to go by myself. Drive somewhere exciting and "see the sights". It has to be somewhere close due to my shitty shitty budget.

I hate living in this house. We are not home owners. Apparently it is nearly impossible to sell it. Or even look into how we could sell it. I just feel so defeated in everything I do. It is getting hard to be positive about anything.

Sometimes it is really hard for me to be happy. Why is that? Why can't I just stop being suspicious, judgmental, and hard to please? Why doesn't this just come easy. I always thought it would...

What the heck. I used to never write in this journal, and could barely keep up on reading all my friends posts. Now I check it and the ONLY posts for days are mine! There is something wrong here people. I want to know about your lives!

Off to the doctor. I hate the doctors. Hopefully I find out something about my back....or SOMETHING! I hate fasting. I mostly want to eat just because I know I cant!