just like this, please just get easier. I need to stay away from technology. I just need my dreams and aspirations. I can do this. Just keep working. There are people with worse problems who fight night and day to achieve their goals to bring a family out of poverty. I can release my spirit from this prison. I can achieve all those huge goals that ( Read more... )

I'm taking a break from trying to stay on track with life to write this. I feel for some reason it's imperative to write. These moments right now, that have been happening are altering me as a person. I've been feeling a sort of fulfillment that is like experiencing a permanent form of euphoria. A part of me believes the other night I achieved a ( Read more... )

My life is a house made out of cards. When I rebuild myself someone comes and blows it all down. When I finally block out all sources of threat I manage to Katrina the shit out of someone else's delicately placed stack of symbolic mental stability. I'm still disappointed it didn't work out with Grant because I built human emotions around an ( Read more... )

If things were simpler, would I enjoy them as much? Things have really changed a lot haven't they? It's so sad that I feel like I'm finally coming into myself as an "academic mind" or something and university is almost over. Taking the short term hiatus from science classes and the burden of worrying about how I'll bend time to meet the needs of ( Read more... )

Leaving Japan has been bitter sweet. I'm jet lagged of course. I haven't slept, then I'll sleep for an hour here and there. My dreams are like ones seen behind broken glass. They're not relaxing and paralleling with normal REM sleep waves. Jilted and waiting for it all to be settled. Being home means I can finally get good deep sleep again ( Read more... )

I have to wake up in less than 12 hours and get on a train to go to my homestay. I'm freaking out about life. This is it. This is it. I met a ton of really cool Japanese people tonight. My Japanese really isn't that bad as Nishikawa has convinced me tat I am. I can have good conversation with less strict, creative Japanese people/musicians. That's ( Read more... )

It's so over. I'm completely ecstatic I wont have to go through these lame classes everyday anymore. No more killing myself for the next days class and for tests that I'm fated not to pass. I ended on a very sour note with Nishikawa. I was really not happy with her being my teacher. I think she's phenomenally intelligent at her mastery of English ( Read more... )

It'll definitely be hard now. Evan and I had a long talk last night. It's still very undecided, I mean no, it is decided, but it's a decision that has a slight chance or glimmer of hope which naturally has me holding on. I like him a lot, so its strange, when we hang out things are just a lot better here, and I'm finding myself telling him more and ( Read more... )

Last night. Last night was so...how do I explain it? It carried into a fear this morning, that everything would be different. How would we carry on? Secrets revealed, depths into our true selves exposed. Then it all went back to what it's supposed to be like. Because if I'm reading the signs correctly, this all means something ( Read more... )

I'm falling for you really hard. I'd rather not fall flat on my face. At least I'll get a really amazing friend out of this. Come on Japan work your magic.