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15 Years Ago
15 years ago, right around now, we were beginning the relationship I am now recovering from. 1 year ago, right around now, he was yelling at me in a fury, for making a casually reflective comment about our relationship. Leaving me in a hysterical heap on the ground, to be dealt with by others. Partying with his new bffs and soon to be new gf. ( Read more... ) -
this is me not falling down
Don't want to talk about it. So. freaking. tired. But of course, it's spinning through my brain, pushing on my shoulders, buckling my knees, shoving me to the ground and I can't turn it off and I can't shut it up and if I don't say something it's going to grind me into pulp and eat me alive. Really, I'd like to just give up, let go, walk away into ( Read more... ) -
oh, yeah, also:
my heart beats inadequacy ( Read more... ) -
and then this
Don't answer this ( Read more... ) -
also
Now I'm the stranger his eyes slide across
as he scans the horizon
but once I was the body he fucked
several times a day
twice swelled ripe
splitting open spilling
in a gush of tears and life
into his waiting fingers
miracles but
he never really saw me then, either
his notseeing eyes overlooking all
of the possibility of me. -
apparently, this post is out of line ...
... I edited the line about fucking, but apparently I'm not being nice, or airing dirty laundry or something. #bitchygirlisbitchy ( Read more... ) -
too tired to capitalize
boxes and boxes and boxes. all of life in boxes. packed down so neat and orderly waiting to spring. into disorder disarray action distraction ( Read more... ) -
odds and ends
restless needing expression but can't. shoulda maybe painted but didn't. craving something solid steady making. badger has been helpful in the strictest professional sense with the necessary officiality of securing the new place, but nothing to offer in the encouraging reassurance sense. just. i am the stranger his eyes slide over as he scans the ( Read more... ) -
My Particular Brand Of Crazy Further Defined, And More On Why I Don't Wanna Be
Questionable judgment with boys. I consider that the hallmark of my crazy, mainly. I didn't go on the meds because of questionable judgment or erratic behaviour where boys are concerned, I went on them because (as many of you will vividly recall) I started crying and couldn't stop, after 6 months of holding myself together and being everything to ( Read more... ) -
More Awkward Honesty
Y'know, cuz. Whatever ( Read more... )