i know what the problem is...

I feel like I don't have a life beyond david and I's relationship.
i have a few friends (really just a couple), but even them I don't feel like I really connect with - at least the ones who are close enough (physically) to hang out with regularly.   I mean, bren is really the only person I have told about EVERYthing to ( ( Read more... )

I feel weak from lack of food ( Read more... )

I don't know what's wrong with me.  My stomach has been gurggley all day.  I think I had diarreah last night or this morning.  Last night, i think...

I feel unsettled.  As in the moments before a storm, before I flee.  I need to go somewhere, make a change.  I don't feel satisfied with where i'm at, what i'm doing - or even with what i'm planning on ( Read more... )

A few minutes ago, i was thinking that people amaze me - or it amazes me how "aware" and yet tragically clueless people are.  The fallacies of man begin with the disconnect within his own self.  I think, at least ( Read more... )

life is complicated ( Read more... )

i dunno... i spent so much time being infatuated with him, wanting him to want me, that it was good not to need it for a while, to have david, and then for him to seemingly give it to me willingly, as a friend, because he WOULD call me randomly and such while i was in nicaworld, but i dont' NEED it anymore like i used to. i'm ok with it being ( Read more... )

i am soooooo confused.

he makes me feel like i'm never going to leave the fucking midwest.
like shit.
like i'll never have to worry about anything, ever.

i've realized a few important things over the last couple of months:

-i don't want to be taken care of
-i want a partner to adventure and explore the world with
-a willing partner, who's as excited to do ( Read more... )

i just wrote a whole entry and it got erased.

pretty much said that i am happy with where i am right now, but want to go back to Nicaragua.  I feel like i have unfinished business and was learning and growing everyday in ways that i frankly can not do here.  That i am partially afraid of failing there and partially afraid of failing here - but i ( Read more... )

It's been almost a year since my last post ( Read more... )

I feel like i should just get drunk to finish packing.

That way I won't really care as much if i take all of the right clothes and it will be done with and,
as with all drunk-decisions, I will just have to live with whatever I've done.
When given the chance to think about it, packing has taken up a lot of my time and energy.
I know it's not a simple ( Read more... )