Comments | jerkybender: A CAUTIONARY TALE.

jerkybender

A CAUTIONARY TALE.

Feb 27, 2008 15:40

DO NOT MOCK THE PENTAPOD, FRIENDS. EVENTUALLY IT WILL WREAK HORRIBLE SNOTTY VENGEANCE UPON YOU. BY WHICH I MEAN TO SAY, SOMETIMES I MAKE UP LIES ABOUT DISEASES IN ORDER TO SAVE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE FROM THE CRUSHING PETER PAN-BOOTED FOOT OF THE FIRE NATION'S EVIL REGIME, AND I'M AN AWESOME HERO-TYPE PERSON, AND YET I STILL GET HORRIBLY, MISERABLY ( Read more... )

Comments 43

professorzei February 27 2008, 21:30:48 UTC

SORRY TO HEAR YOU'RE NOT FEELING WELL, SOKKA. I'M NOT A PRACTICING DOCTOR, BUT I DO KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT DISEASES. WHAT SYMTOMS DO YOU HAVE?

jerkybender February 27 2008, 22:12:48 UTC

...CAN'T I SKIP THE "TURN YOUR HEAD AND COUGH" BIT AND GO STRAIGHT TO THE NURSES AND MEATBASKET PART? KATARA HAS ALREADY BEEN MAKING ME DRINK ALL OF THIS WEIRD PURPLE GOO. SOME MUMBO JUMBO MAGIC WATER-WILLOW-VALERIAN-LICORICE ROOT-VIOLET TINCTURE NONSENSE. D:

professorzei February 27 2008, 22:43:15 UTC

>:| I CAN'T HELP YOU IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG. IF YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY SICK, THEN I'LL LEAVE.
I HAVE SOME JERKY IN MY BAG, BUT IT'S NOT THE MOST DELICIOUS JERKY ON THE PLANET.

jerkybender February 27 2008, 23:29:41 UTC

MY VOICE IS MORE GRAVELLY THAN MAI'S AND I HAVE A COUGH THAT WOULD LIFT ME INTO THE EXOSPHERE WERE I AANG. YESTERDAY I SLEPT THROUGH TEN HOURS OF A KATARA-AND-AANG INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH (WELL, NOT MUCH CHANGE THERE). I FEEL LIKE CRAWLING INTO MY SLEEPING BAG AND DYING. AND OH YEAH, I AM A TORRENTIAL FLOWING RIVER OF SNOT. I BELIEVE MY BRAIN MAY BE MELTING AND DRIPPING OUT OF MY NOSE, BECAUSE SURELY ONE MAN CANNOT CONTAIN THIS MUCH MUCUS.

AREN'T YOU SO GLAD YOU ASKED. NOW GIVE ME JERKY.

Thread 5

thuglyfe_ninja February 27 2008, 22:24:43 UTC

AS SOON AS YOU'RE FEELING BETTER, I WILL CHALLENGE YOU TO A RAP BATTLE.

jerkybender February 27 2008, 23:34:59 UTC

WHENEVER MY HEAD NO LONGER FEELS LIKE A BRICK AND I HAVE A SPEAKING VOICE AGAIN (ER, THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A DYING ELEPHANT-FLAMINGO), I WILL ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE. THX FOR BEING HONORABLE AND WAITING UNTIL I'M NOT DYING SO MUCH. GO NINJA GO NINJA GO.

OH COUGH SYRUP, YOU'RE MY BFF.

thesexyfineone February 27 2008, 23:32:55 UTC

RIIIIGHT... "SICKNESS" UH HUH. MONSTER!

( ... )

jerkybender February 27 2008, 23:40:26 UTC

PENTAPODS, MAN. THEY GET THEIR REVENGE ON YOU IN THE STICKIEST MOTHERFUCKING WAYS. *HACKCOUGHWHEEZE* I STILL HAVE A BUNCH OF SCARS FROM THAT. I TOLD EVERYONE THEY WERE THE TRADITIONAL TRIBAL TATTOOS OF MY PEOPLE. ...HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE SOUTH POLE? YEAH, DIDN'T THINK SO. DON'T JUDGE ME.

ALSO, IF YOU COME NEAR ME ONE MORE TIME WITH THAT FUCKING THERMOMETER I SWEAR I'M GONNA JAM IT UP *YOUR* ASS UNTIL IT BREAKS AND THEN YOU DIE HORRIBLY OF ANAL MERCURY POISONING.

thesexyfineone February 27 2008, 23:44:20 UTC

*WIBBLES* BUT, BUT... KATARA TOLD ME TO. I HAVE LUBE. IT WON'T HURT...

jerkybender February 27 2008, 23:49:15 UTC

THAT'S WHAT YOU ALWAYS SAY, HARU.

Thread 17

killing_puppies February 28 2008, 01:14:07 UTC

NOTHING I LOVE BETTER THAN A VULNERABLE MAN.

NOW TO GO FIND A CONVINCING NURSE OUTFIT...

jerkybender February 28 2008, 01:25:54 UTC

... DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SPARE BOTTLES OF SMALLPOX THEY'D BE WILLING TO LOAN ME? I SHOULD PERHAPS BE SICK CONSTANTLY FROM NOW ON. <3

killing_puppies February 28 2008, 02:06:49 UTC

ANACHRONISTIC NURSE OUTFITS WERE ON SALE TODAY.

( ... )

thuglyfe_ninja February 28 2008, 02:22:36 UTC

HELLLLOOOO, NURSE.

Thread 14

diditwithhakoda February 28 2008, 03:56:20 UTC

*COMES IN WITH A BOWL OF STEWED SEA PRUNES AND LOTS OF SEAL JERKY*

BB! I'M SO SORRY YOUR SICK... WHAT CAN MOMMA DO FOR YOU? MEAT, MAYBE? WITH MEAT SAUCE?

jerkybender February 28 2008, 14:00:04 UTC

I LOVE MY MOM. SHE SKIPS THE WHOLE GINGER-ALE-AND-CRACKERS FOREPLAY AND GETS RIGHT TO THE MEAT ON MEAT ACTION. <3 <3 *SIPS ON HOT SEAPRUNE TEA*