yea so i really like my new job. its cool. the people there rock and its so freaken laid back. so much better then build a bear. im prolly goin out with this girl tonight. she's hot so it should be cool haha.im ready for a hookup...don't really want anything else right now. lets see if casual sex works for me haha
im out.
marissa

I've been thinking a lot lately...about the person i am...and the person i want to be. every time i try...i just come up empty. i feel empty. i find absolutely no joy in anything. at all. i just feel like there is a huge hole in my chest...and honestly i'd rather it stay this way then to ever have to feel the pain of getting my heart ripped out of ( Read more... )

im goin to the movies with mom. i can't wait to see coach carter. i'm exctited. other then that...
i feel pretty empty. i'll get over it.
maybe i already am...and thats why i feel like this.
oh well. at least im not crying anymore.
maybe ill write more later,
marissa

Went to school...came home. Wrote more of my book. slept for an hour. Went to work. Came home. Now i'm going to bed.
im so angry. i hate it but i am. oh well. fuck it i don't care about anything anymore.
im out.
marissa

work was ok. i go again tomorrow. im starting to get the hang of things.
im writing a story. its about a cop. it helps. its about a cop who throws herself into her work because she feels worthless and being so close to death is the only thing that makes her feel alive. its gonna be good i think.
anyways i better get to bed
night
~marissa

Wish i had told her how i feel ( Read more... )

So i woke up in a pretty bad mood. i pretty much decided not to go to my first class. I'm so sick of feeling like this. I wish i knew of some easy way to just feel better about everything but i can't. I still feel like a fucking idiot. I know this week is gonna kill me. I wish so much that it was last week...last week i felt good about myself. Last ( Read more... )

work was ok.
other then that. life sucks.
thanks a fucking lot.

Yea so...i feel pretty stupid i guess. i don't really feel like writing much. im not in the best of moods i guess you can say. at least my kitty is better. her paw had been hurt. but i gave her a bath yesterday and washed out her wound and all that. and now she has been coming up to me wanting to be petted so thats good. because yesterday she would ( Read more... )

i feel like an asshole for what i did to amber. but i just can't deal with it right now.im not ready to be with someone else. whatever i do...my thoughts go back to the same person. she has my heart even if she never wants it back. im just so confused about so many things. ive been happy lately. but right now im not. i dunno whats wrong with me ( Read more... )